


Uncharted Territory

by barbaXbenson



Series: Barson [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Canonical Rape/Non-con, Case Fic, Developing Relationship, F/M, Smut, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-07 13:16:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 42,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13435494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbaXbenson/pseuds/barbaXbenson
Summary: Picks up right after the Season 18 finale. When SVU catches a case that falls into a legal gray area, Olivia fights to make sure that the victim gets justice. All the while, she and Barba work to come to terms with their evolving relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of my efforts to move my work over from FFN. I'm probably going to take the opportunity to make some tweaks/edits from the original version.
> 
> The first chapter is more like a prologue. The case begins in chapter 2.

He tossed his keys and wallet on the stand near the door as he walked into his dark apartment. He didn't even bother to turn on any of the lights, tugging his tie loose as he walked toward the bedroom. It was late. It was always late when he finally walked through that door. And that was when he didn't just crash on the couch in his office. He wasn't even sure why he paid the exorbitant rent for the Park Avenue address when he barely spent any time here.

Actually, that wasn't true. He knew why. It was the same reason he wore the best suits and drank the best scotch. Because he could. He'd made it. He came from nothing and without a prep school pedigree or a leg up from anyone he'd achieved success. And dammit he wanted people to know it. Was that so bad?

He took off his vest before shoving his suspenders off his shoulders and unbuttoning the cuffs of his shirtsleeves and a few of the buttons at his neck. He immediately felt like he could breathe a little easier. He took pride in his wardrobe, but sometimes it could be stifling.

He sighed, kicking off his shoes and sinking down onto his mattress. It was top of the line, of course. Not that it mattered. He doubted he would get much sleep tonight. A firebomb at a mosque. Just when he thought they'd made a little headway, made the smallest difference in putting the city back together, they were shoved twenty steps backward.

He and Dodds had spent the better part of an hour sitting in Olivia's office, mostly in silence. None of them sure what to say, but trying to make sense of it.

Olivia. He still wasn't sure where he stood with her after this case. He knew that he'd crossed a line, but God he'd just wanted -no, needed- the win. She of all people should have understood that. She fought harder for justice than anyone he'd ever met. But damn that moral center of hers, he thought with a shake of his head. He'd known she'd tell the truth. Before he'd even asked, he'd known that she'd never perjure herself, not again. He'd actually felt a little proud of her when she'd answered honestly, and also a little relieved. He was glad that he wouldn't be responsible for her compromising her beliefs.

He'd admitted to himself a long time ago that he'd stayed with SVU because of her. When he'd moved to Manhattan from Brooklyn he'd had no desire to stay with sex crimes. Manhattan SVU tended to be the downfall of ADA's and he had every intention of furthering his career, not blowing it up. He'd owed Captain Harris a favor and took the Adam Cain case to pay that debt. He thought that would be the end of it.

But then he met Olivia, worked alongside her, saw how much she cared about the victim and fought to not only get her justice, but also to help her heal. He knew then that he wanted to continue to fight in the trenches with her. He'd admired her so much and that admiration only continued to grow as she climbed the ladder, first to Sergeant and now Lieutenant. Sure, they butted heads now and again, this case was a prime example, but he knew that when it came down to it they had each other's back.

He'd struggled a lot with his feelings for her, whatever they were. He knew that hers was the opinion that mattered most to him, that no matter what happened in the courtroom or the squad room, his eyes searched for her to see how she was reacting to the situation, or just to get that reassuring nod that she so often gave. He knew that he was absolutely devastated when he'd found out that she was seeing Tucker and that he was equally elated when the precinct gossip mill informed him that they'd split up. He just wasn't sure what to do with that.

He wasn't naïve, he knew that their relationship went beyond that of colleagues, even beyond a friendship, but he didn't know if they should actually cross the line. If they did, then it would create a conflict of interest. He'd probably have to stop working with SVU. And wouldn't that be selfish? It might be his ego talking, but wasn't the city better off having the two of them working together?

He knew he should get some sleep, there wouldn't be any solving this tonight, but what he really wanted was that drink that he'd invited Olivia to have with him. He knew his alcohol consumption had increased since moving over to Manhattan, but everyone had their vices. He'd seen firsthand that there were much worse ones to have, so he didn't think a little scotch at the end of a long day was all that bad.

But the alcohol was on the other end of the apartment and exhaustion won out. He finished undressing, putting his tie away neatly and laying his suit over the back of a chair. His housekeeper would take it for dry cleaning.

He'd finally gotten his mind to stop racing and was just drifting off to sleep when his phone vibrated on the nightstand. His hand found the phone in the dark and he didn't even bother to open his eyes before answering. "Barba."

* * *

She walked into the bright, chaotic apartment, exhausted and emotionally drained from the day. More accurately, if she was being honest, from the year. Toys were scattered everywhere and Lucy sat on the floor putting a puzzle together with Noah. He was already in his pajamas and his hair was damp from his bath.

"Hello, sweet boy." Olivia said before scooping him up, already feeling the problems that had been weighing so heavily on her shoulders lighten significantly. "Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"He insisted on waiting for you." Lucy told her, standing.

"Insisted, huh?" Olivia chuckled. She had no doubt Lucy was telling the truth. Noah was becoming quite strong willed. She wondered where he got that from.

"Thank you so much, Lucy. Go on home. I'll get him to bed."

Once Lucy had left and she'd gotten Noah to sleep, it had only taken 3 books and 2 songs, Olivia poured a much-needed glass of wine. As the wine filled the glass it made her think of Barba. She'd turned down his drink offer yet again and she wasn't entirely sure why. They'd shared a drink after work countless times. It was just that these days when he asked it seemed…loaded somehow. Like it meant something more than colleagues blowing off steam.

And truthfully, she thought as she carried her wine glass to the bedroom, she might still be a little mad at him. It hurt her that he thought she'd lie. Even worse, that he thought he could influence her to. He knew she cared for him, they were friends, and he put her in a terrible position.

He'd almost made up for it with those sad eyes he'd thrown her in her office before Dodds had showed up.

_"Disenchanted?"_

That one word turned over in her head. If she admitted that she was a bit disenchanted by his actions did that mean admitting that she was enchanted in the first place?

She could admit that they'd grown close over the years, but was it anything more than just the side effect of working together on an almost daily basis?

Rollins and Fin regularly dropped several not-so-subtle hints that Barba had a thing for her, but she'd always brushed it off. Those two loved giving her a hard time. But what if they saw something she didn't, she thought as she picked up her bag and pulled out her detectives' reports from that day. She still needed to read through them and sign off before she could go to sleep.

She found it hard to concentrate as she tried to read through the reports. Running her interactions with Barba over in her mind to see if she had been oblivious to something that had been growing between them. Sure, there were glances here and there, some minor flirtation, but that was nothing. And she'd been devastated when the truth came out about Ashtonja Abreu and she'd thought that he'd be pulled from SVU, or worse, fired, but that was just concern for a friend, right?

Olivia jerked awake when her phone buzzed sometime later. Her light was still on and the files she'd been reading were now scattered on the bed. Her phone screen showed that it was Fin calling and she sighed. They didn't call her in the middle of the night unless it was a bad one.

"Benson."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've based Teri Jacobson on real life lawyer, Carrie Goldberg. I highly recommend looking her up and reading about her work.

**_Two Weeks Later_ **

"So, the DNA is a match, his fingerprints are in the apartment  _and_ on the knife, her underwear was in his work locker, and he has no alibi?" Barba was incredulous.

"That's correct." Olivia said from behind her desk.

"You know, some days the gods really just smile down on me." Barba leaned back cockily in one of her visitor's chairs. "Go ahead and pick up the criminal mastermind. I'll prepare for arraignment."

"Rollins and Carisi are on their way now."

"Great." He stood, reflexively smoothing his tie and buttoning his suit jacket as he did so.

Olivia found her eyes focusing on his hands as his nimble fingers completed the task.

"Liv?"

She shook her head. "Sorry, what?"

"I said let me know when you've got him in custody." He picked his paper coffee cup up off of her desk.

"Yeah, sure thing."

He nodded his goodbye and a knowing, half grin played on his lips as he left her office.

A few moments later there was a knock on her door frame. She assumed it was Barba returning and didn't even look up from her laptop. "I've already handed you this guy on a silver platter, what else do you want?"

"I'm sorry, I-"

At the female voice Olivia looked up, embarrassed, to find a sharply dressed middle-aged woman, with long, dark hair, and thick, black framed glasses standing in her doorway. She looked vaguely familiar to her. "No, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. How can I help you?"

"The officer at the door sent us back. There doesn't seem to be anyone else around."

Olivia nodded, knowing that Rollins and Carisi were after Barba's genius, and Fin was chasing down a lead on another case. She really needed to get some more detectives.

"Please, come in." Olivia stood and gestured toward the chairs opposite her desk. To her surprise the woman gestured with her hand and a younger, blonde woman, probably about 25, followed her into the office.

"I'm not sure if you remember me. My name is Teri Jacobson, and- "

As soon she said the name it clicked for Olivia. Teri was a civil lawyer on the forefront of sexual privacy and she'd spoken at a seminar Olivia had attended. "Yes, of course I remember. Good to see you again." She shook the counselor's hand.

Once they were all seated, Teri continued. "This is my client, Melanie Tullis."

"It's nice to meet you, Melanie." Olivia said softly. She could tell the girl was nervous. "What brings you here?"

Teri gave Melanie an encouraging nod and Melanie took a deep breath before starting to speak. "About five months ago I broke up with my boyfriend, Zach Cahill. It seemed amicable and I moved on. But then, it started."

"What started?" Olivia asked.

"I started getting texts and phone calls from guys claiming that I had given them my number on MeetCute."

Olivia fought an eyeroll. MeetCute had started out as the antidote to the hookup apps out there, but eventually it ended up just like all the others, used primarily to find sex partners within your geographical area. This wasn't the first time the app had been involved in a case.

"But you hadn't?"

Melanie shook her head. "No. Then one of the guys showed up at my apartment. Luckily when I told him it was a mistake he left, but it scared me. My friend had read an article about Teri so I called her office."

"This guy has made profiles for her, contacted men and communicated with them as her, and as you've heard, encouraged them to contact her for sex. He's also posted nude photos of her on multiple websites." Teri explained.

"Are the photos real?" Benson asked.

"Two are. One she took, one he took. The others are photoshopped. I've been able to get a lot of the photos taken down, but the copyright on the picture he took and the ones he's photoshopped is a gray area."

"What about MeetCute? Won't they take down the profile?"

Teri nodded. "They have. Twice. Every time they take one down he just makes a new one. I've sent him a cease and desist, I'm doing everything I can do from a civil perspective, but Melanie asked me to push for criminal charges, which is what brings us here."

"I have to ask," Olivia tread lightly. "Are you sure that it's Zach? Did you send the photos to anyone else?"

"Yes, I'm sure!" Melanie exclaimed. "I don't send naked pictures to multiple people."

"It's okay." Teri put a hand on her arm. "Like Lieutenant Benson said, she has to ask these questions."

"This has taken over my life." Melanie's voice broke. "I'm getting harassed at all hours, it's effecting my work. I don't sleep. I just don't want to pay the price for the rest of my life for dating the wrong guy and taking a couple of stupid pictures."

"I'll be honest with you, Melanie." Olivia's voice was soothing. "When it comes to these kinds of cases, it can be difficult. The criminal courts are still behind the times when it comes to a lot of these things."

"So, you can't do anything?"

"I didn't say that. I'm going to try my best, but I just wanted to manage your expectations going in."

"I've warned her about all the possibilities." Teri said. "But I told her that if anyone can make this guy pay, it's you."

Olivia felt both pride and dread whenever people said that. She was proud to know that she was known as a victim advocate who often got results, but it was also a lot of pressure.

After getting some more information from Teri and Melanie, and assuring them that she'd be in touch, she walked the two of them out.

By now Rollins and Carisi were back and at their desks.

"Mitchell in holding?"

"Yeah," Rollins answered. "He actually started crying when we cuffed him."

Olivia fought a smile as she thought about how Barba would have him crying on the stand, if he didn't plead out before then.

"We catch another one, Lieu?" Carisi nodded toward the door where Teri and Melanie had exited.

"Maybe." Olivia filled them in on the details. "Ex's name is Zach Cahill. Do some digging."

As Rollins and Carisi went to work Olivia walked towards her office, pulling out her phone to text Barba.

_Einstein is in holding. Will be transferred for processing soon._

She thought a moment before typing out another one.

_Also, I have a case I'd like to run by you._

She was back at her desk before her phone chimed with his reply. She smiled when she read the words.

_Come by anytime._


	3. Chapter 3

It was late in the day before Olivia found time to make her way to One Hogan Place, but she knew Barba would still be working. He was always working.

"Hey, Carmen." Olivia greeted his secretary who looked to be preparing to go home for the night. "Is he busy?"

"Always." Carmen smiled. "But he told me that you could go on in if you came by."

"Thanks." Olivia tapped lightly on his office door before pushing it open. "Hey, Barba, I…" She stopped talking when she saw that he was on the phone.

His jacket was draped over the back of his chair and the sleeves of his striped shirt were rolled up to the elbow. He looked completely casual, well, about as casual as he could look, except for the tense expression on his face.

"Yes, I understand, Mr. Mayor. You have a good night as well, sir." He sighed and let his phone drop to the desk, rubbing his temples.

"Calls from the mayor are never good." She said, sitting in one of his visitor's chairs.

"Turns out our smarty pants Mitchell has friends in high places."

"Mitchell? Really?"

Barba nodded, taking a sip of coffee from a white ceramic mug. If Olivia drank caffeine this time of night she'd never get to sleep, but she was pretty sure coffee ran through his veins instead of blood so it probably made no difference to him.

"Apparently his dad is on this board and that board and plays golf with the mayor. Yada yada yada." He waved it off. "The mayor was just doing his due diligence. Once I explained the case to him he gave me the go ahead. Said he'd tell the dad he couldn't be seen interfering with a case."

"Good." Olivia was relieved.

"So, you had a case you wanted to talk about?" He leaned back in his chair, giving her his full attention.

Olivia ran through the details much like she had with Rollins and Carisi earlier in the day and Barba was shaking his head before she was even finished. "Would you stop that?" She finally snapped when he continued shaking his head as she spoke.

He fought a grin. "Sorry, but Liv, you know New York doesn't have a revenge porn law. She's of age, so it's not child porn. She took the pictures, or knew he was taking them so it's not voyeurism. Is he a scumbag? Yes. Did he do anything illegal? Unfortunately, no."

"But the city council has introduced a bill…"

"An introduction does not a law make."

She shot an annoyed look at his condescension.

"Your victim is stuck with the civil route." He continued, dialing back the attitude. "Jacobson is one of the best. She's in good hands."

"So, you're telling me there's nothing we can get this guy on? Menacing? Reckless endangerment?"

Again, he shook his head and she fought the urge to throttle him. "The menacing statutes cover physical menacing. And it hasn't risen to the level of reckless endangerment."

"Are you kidding? A guy showed up at her apartment!"

"Yeah, and he left."

She sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. She was out of arguments.

Barba softened. "Did your detectives talk to this guy?"

"Yeah, he's denying it. Said she's a 'crazy slut' and probably posted those pictures herself. You didn't see this girl, Barba. This has completely taken over her life."

His brow furrowed and he tapped his finger on his notepad, thinking. "And you said in addition to posting her pictures he was pretending to be her on this dating app?"

Olivia nodded. "What are you thinking?"

"Criminal impersonation. It's a misdemeanor, but it's something. It might at least scare him into leaving Melanie alone." He tried to ignore how his heart swelled, knowing he'd caused the smile that spread across her face. "In the morning, I'll see if I can get a warrant for his electronics." Since there were no emergent circumstances he wasn't going to burn any collateral by bothering a judge at this hour.

Benson stood, excited that the case wasn't dead. "Barba, I could kiss you."

It was like all the air was sucked out of the room. They both froze, and an awkward tension fell between them. She felt his eyes boring into her but she refused to meet them. Finally, she moved towards the door. "But, of course, I won't. Um, thanks for your help." She mumbled as she left.

Rafael stared at the door, where the blinds still swayed from the force with which she'd closed it. It's just a figure of speech, he told himself, but if it had just been the words alone he might not read as much into it. Her behavior afterward was what gave him pause.

There had been occasions in the past, late nights on his office couch working on a case, celebrating a victory with a drink at the bar, when the thought of kissing her had crossed his mind, just for a split second. Of course, he'd always stopped himself, but maybe she'd thought about it too?

He clenched his jaw as if that could somehow stop the flood of hope that surged through him. Looking at the clock and determining that it was late enough, he pulled out the bottle of scotch he kept in his bottom desk drawer and poured some into a glass.

He had to refocus. He had opening statements on a case in two days. Picking up his pen he began scribbling on his legal pad, continuing to work well into the night.

* * *

"Tell me you got the warrant." Olivia said by way of greeting when he walked into the squad room the next day. She and her detectives were scattered around the conference table. Melanie's photos were up on the screen, as well as screenshots of several of the sites they'd been posted on and some of the messages she'd been sent.

"Well, hello to you, too."

"Hi, Barba. How are you? Did you sleep well?" Olivia feigned true interest.

Amanda hid a smile behind her hand.

"Lieutenant as you know, sarcasm…"

"Is the weapon of the weak. Yeah, yeah, we know." She waved a hand. "Did you get my warrant?"

"You really know how to make a guy feel used." He pulled a folded-up paper from the breast pocket of his navy suit jacket. "It's not exactly what you wanted. I couldn't get everything. The scope is limited to MeetCute activity only. You'll have to work backwards through the app company instead of through his phone."

"What about his communications with the porn sites?" Fin asked.

Barba shook his head. "None of that has anything to do with the impersonation."

"But just last month in Jersey they had this case where," Carisi piped up, but Barba shut him down with a look.

"As I'm sure you're aware,  _counselor,_ " the word dripped with derision. "New Jersey has a revenge porn law. If you want to go after him for that, tell your victim to send her naked pictures from the other side of the Hudson next time."

"Alright. We get it." Olivia held up her hands. "Criminal impersonation only."

Barba gave a slight nod. "Let me know when you have something so I can plead this out."

"You're already talking a plea?"

"It's a class A misdemeanor. There's no way this guy is going to see the inside of a prison. Why are we going to waste the time and taxpayer money on a trial? I thought the point was to scare this asshole into leaving her alone?"

"And a slap on the wrist is going to do that?" Amanda asked.

Barba clenched his jaw. He really did care for this motley crew of a squad, but some days they made him want to pull his hair out. "Look, this is what we've got to work with. If you want to do something about it, become a legislator."

He turned on his heel and headed for the door.

"Man, he really needs to get la..." Fin decided not to finish the thought when he got a raised eyebrow from his Lieutenant.

Rafael heard Fin's comment as he walked out into the hallway.  _He's not wrong_ , he thought to himself, chuckling as he hit the button for the elevator.


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia felt relieved after Barba left the squad room. She'd been worried that after her dumb slip of the tongue the night before things would be awkward between them, but her worry was unfounded. He'd walked in with the same attitude he always had and she antagonized him just like she always did. She smiled at the thought.

"Uh, Lieu?"

"Sorry, what?"

Carisi gave Rollins and Fin a knowing look before turning back to Olivia. "I said, do you want me and Rollins to go over to the MeetCute offices?"

"Yes, take someone from TARU with you in case they aren't feeling cooperative and we have to dig." She gave him the warrant that she still held. "Fin, work on tracking down these guys that have been texting Melanie. I'm sure they won't be happy to know that they've been duped. Maybe if they're willing to sign affidavits it will give us more leverage on Cahill."

"On it."

As the detectives dispersed Olivia went to her office to contact Teri Jacobson. She wanted to give her an update and let her know what avenue they were pursuing. It probably wouldn't be what she or Melanie had wanted, but at least it was something.

* * *

A few hours later Barba walked out of the double doors of the courtroom, riding high off of winning the motion hearing that had just ended. He checked his phone and among several missed calls and texts was a message from Olivia that they'd gotten what they needed from MeetCute and that they were bringing Cahill in.

Good. The faster they wrapped this up, the sooner he could get back to frying much bigger fish. For the second time that day he made his way toward midtown.

When he got to Olivia's office he could see through the window to interrogation that Zach, thin and pale with a swoop of blonde hair and the beard that every hipster was sporting these days, was sitting alone, drinking water from a paper cup.

Barba nodded toward the window. "He asked for a lawyer already? Were you able to talk to him at all before he did?"

"Nope." Olivia slid her black, square frames off of her face and let them land on her desk. "He asked for one as soon as we showed up at his place of business. He brews craft beer in Williamsburg in case you were wondering."

Barba smirked. He knew he'd pegged the hair and beard correctly. "So, what did you find at MeetCute?"

"They were surprisingly helpful. Apparently, they're sick of this guy too. Getting court orders from Teri Jacobson every other week to take down another one of the fake profiles is starting to annoy them."

"He brings joy to every life he touches, it seems." Since nothing of interest was happening in interrogation he sat in one of the chairs opposite her desk.

She slid a file in his direction and he picked it up, flipping through it as she continued to speak. "They gave us the IP addresses of all of the places that 'Melanie's' account was logged into from. Luckily most of them were from the public wifi at the craft brewery so that was easy to figure out. We're assuming the other one that shows up most often is his home, but we'll need a warrant to determine that." She gave him a pointed look and he glanced up from the file and nodded to show her that he was paying attention.

"They also gave us all of the chat records for the accounts that were set up in Melanie's name." She continued. "We're working on finding the guys and talking to them. If you can get us a warrant for any of Cahill's personal writings – texts, e-mails – we can run them through Language Style Matching software and prove that he was the one who wrote them."

He raised an eyebrow, closing the file and returning it to the desk. "Anything else while I'm at it?"

She smiled. "I'm sure I can think of something." Her cheeks flushed when she realized the way her words could be taken. "I mean, it wouldn't hurt to try for the phone again." She added quickly.

The corner of Barba's mouth ticked up just a bit, but he didn't have a chance to say anything because Carisi knocked on the door frame.

"Hey, Lieutenant. Cahill's lawyer is here."

They watched through the glass as Arlene Heller entered the interrogation room and began speaking with her client, who looked more annoyed than worried.

Rafael was happy to see Arlene. She was always willing to wheel and deal to keep her client out of trouble. This should go quickly.

He gave the two of them a few moments to talk before he gestured to Liv. "Let's go." He swept into the room with all the swagger that he normally carried when confronting suspects and perps, with Olivia following behind him. "Hello, Mr. Cahill. I'm ADA Rafael Barba." He sat down and dropped the file he'd swiped from Liv's desk onto the table in front of him. "I believe you've met Lieutenant Benson."

"Isn't this case a little beneath you, Dapper Dan?" Arlene leaned back, folding her arms, wondering why all this trouble for a criminal impersonation charge.

Barba gave her a smirk before turning his attention back to Zach. "While you waited, did your lawyer inform you that pretending to be someone else online is a crime, punishable by up to one year in jail?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Zach replied evenly.

"We went to MeetCute today and they were tripping over themselves to help us." Olivia told him. "Chat logs, IP addresses… We know you logged on from the  _public_  wifi at your brewery on multiple occasions. Not a very smart move."

Olivia caught Arlene sending a disappointed look at her client. She was pretty sure it was more due to his stupidity than the actual act of committing a crime.

"I've got warrants in the works as we speak," Barba lied. "For your home internet activity, your cell phone records, so, do you still not know what we're talking about?"

Zach sat silently.

Barba was bored with this already and decided to get the show on the road. "Well, lucky for you I am feeling generous today. If you plead guilty to Criminal Impersonation in the 2nd degree, you'll serve no jail time. You'll get probation, community service, and you'll agree to cease your harassment of Ms. Tullis."

"Plead guilty?" Zach's eyes widened. "I didn't do anything! That bitch is lying."

"I actually think you're the bitch that's lying." Olivia piped up and Barba poorly disguised a laugh with a cough.

"Watch it, Lieutenant, or we walk out of here." Arlene cautioned before turning to Barba. "What's with this garbage deal? He'd get less than that at sentencing."

"We can always take that chance." Barba shrugged nonchalantly.

"Please. With the insanity that's going on in this city right now, the DA isn't going to let you waste time on this." She stood. "Come on, Zach, we're leaving."

Zach started to stand as well and Olivia saw something flash in Barba's eyes. Things always got interesting when he had that look.

"Lieutenant, if you please."

Olivia smiled, pulling out her cuffs. "Happy to." She walked around the table and pulled Zach's arms behind his back, reciting his Miranda rights as she cuffed him.

"You have got to be kidding me with this, Barba." Arlene glared at him. "All of this over a silly misdemeanor?"

"Do I look like I'm laughing? See you at arraignment."

He left the room and Olivia called for Carisi through the open door. "Take care of him for me, will you?" She handed Zach off to Sonny. "Always a pleasure counselor." She bid adieu to Arlene who still wasn't sure what had just happened.

She found Barba in her office. "What happened to 'wasting time and the tax payers' money'?"

"Yeah, well, he pissed me off."

She laughed. "If that's what it takes, I guess."

"Don't be too happy. Heller was right. The DA is probably going to tell me to let this go. I wish we had something bigger to nail him with."

Olivia's phone buzzed in her pocket. "Benson."

Rafael watched intensely as her expression darkened. "When? Okay. Yeah, I'll be right there."

"Everything okay?"

"Well, it looks like you got your wish. This just became a rape case."


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia felt a twinge of guilt when she saw the brief look of hurt cross Barba's features at her comment, but didn't have time to dwell on it. "I have to get to Mercy. Teri said that Melanie was just brought in."

She stepped out into the squad room and Barba followed, leaning a shoulder on the doorjamb of her office, watching her rally the troops, her comment still stinging.

"Okay, listen up. Melanie Tullis was just attacked and raped in her apartment. Rollins and Carisi, get CSU and get over to her place. Fin, you and I are headed to Mercy."

"Keep me updated." Rafael said to their backs as they rushed toward the door.

Olivia threw him a nod over her shoulder before following her team out of the squad room.

At the hospital, Olivia and Fin found Teri Jacobson standing outside of an exam room.

"Olivia." Teri looked relieved to see her.

"How's she doing?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not sure, really." Teri shook her head. "I only saw her for a moment before they…They're doing the rape kit now."

"Do you know what happened?" Fin asked.

"Just the gist. Some guy showed up at her apartment thinking it was a MeetCute hookup, when she explained to him what happened he got pissed, it escalated."

"Okay, Fin, I need you to go over the last messages that Cahill sent from the fake MeetCute account before we brought him in. He had to have set this up earlier in the day. He would have had all of his belongings bagged and catalogued at intake so it's not like he was setting up dates from the tombs."

"On it." He headed down the hall to get to work.

"You know, I have a lot of clients who are victims of sexual assault," Teri ran a hand through her hair. "But I always come in after. Melanie is the first one to be attacked under my care. I feel…responsible."

Olivia knew that feeling all too well. "You can't blame yourself. This is all on Cahill and the rapist."

Just then a doctor and a nurse exited the exam room.

"What are we looking at, doc?" Olivia asked.

"Some cuts and bruising, vaginal trauma, traces of semen, all consistent with a sexual assault." She explained, in a "you know the drill" manner.

"Can I talk to her?"

Off of the doctor's nod, Olivia knocked lightly on the exam room door before stepping in, Teri following behind her.

Melanie was sitting on the exam table in a paper gown, staring at the floor. Her bottom lip was split and she had bruising in the shape of a hand around her neck.

"Melanie, you remember Lieutenant Benson."

Melanie just nodded.

"Melanie, can you tell me what happened?" Olivia asked gently.

The young woman was quiet for a moment before taking a deep breath. "I was working on a report for work when someone knocked on my door. I answered it, leaving the chain on because it was late and I wasn't expecting anybody. He said he was there for our date and I knew Zach had done it again." Her voice trembled, but she continued. "I told him it was a mistake, that it wasn't really me that he'd spoken to.

"He got mad, saying that I was lying, that I was just being a tease, and did I think it was funny to screw with guys like that. He wouldn't listen to anything I was saying. I tried to close the door, but he kicked it. The chain broke and the door hit me in the face." She touched her fingers to her split lip. "And then he was on top of me. It happened so fast."

Now tears started to fall, but she seemed determined to get through this. Olivia realized that she was a lot stronger than she'd initially given her credit for.

"He was on top of me and I tried to fight him off, but he wrapped his hand around my neck and pinned me to floor. It was hard to breathe. I thought I was going to pass out. He ripped off my leggings and my…my underwear. And then he…then he…"

"It's okay." Olivia told her, knowing what happened next. "When it was over, what did he do?"

"Um…he said not to make it so hard on the next guy. And then he just…left."

Olivia noticed Teri's jaw clench, but the lawyer didn't say anything.

"Do you know how he got in your building? Did someone buzz your apartment? Do you have a doorman?"

Melanie shook her head to both, wiping her tears away with her hands. "No, there are two doors with two separate keys to get into the building, but people are always piggybacking."

Olivia nodded. "And you'd never seen this man before?"

Again, Melanie shook her head.

"But you'd be able to identify him if you saw him again?"

Melanie's eyes narrowed. "Absolutely."

* * *

Olivia wasn't surprised when she walked into Forlini's later that night to find Barba at the end of the bar hunched over a legal pad with an open file and a mostly finished plate of pasta sitting next to it.

"Of all the gin joints…" He deadpanned when she approached, not bothering to look up from his work.

As she sat down a glass of wine appeared in front of her almost immediately, along with a freshened scotch on the rocks for Barba. She nodded her thanks to Anthony.

Rafael sighed and dropped his pen, picking up his drink instead. "How's Melanie?"

"As good as can be expected. She's actually pretty tough. We think it was the last person Cahill messaged as Melanie. The squad is tracking him down now based off the MeetCute records."

"I'm surprised you're not off helping them." He rattled the ice in his glass before taking a drink.

Olivia tilted her head and gave him a look, but he refused to look at her. She couldn't believe he was pouting this much over a throwaway comment.

"The team is more than capable." She took a deep breath. "I actually came here to talk to you."

"To make me feel even shittier about Melanie getting raped?" He finally faced her, his green eyes intense. She'd noticed before that they turned an almost emerald color when he was upset and they were close to that shade now.

"No, actually it was to-."

"Because you know when I said I wished we had more to charge him with that wasn't me wishing that this would escalate." He interrupted her. "You'd think you'd know me well enough by now that I wouldn't want some poor woman to suffer just so I could get another checkmark in the victory column." He dropped his glass to the bar with a clatter.

"You're right. I was upset and with the timing of the phone call with your comment it just came out. I didn't mean it. And what I was saying was that I actually came here to apologize to you." She put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for what I said, Rafael."

His heart fluttered, tempering his indignation. It was only the second time she'd ever called him that directly. "You called me Rafael." He said before he could stop himself. He chose to blame it on the second scotch.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I-"

"No, no. I like it." He said softly. He realized this was getting a little too serious, so he took a big breath and put a smirk on his face. "It only took four and a half years to get you to say it. Now if you'd stop using it only when you're apologizing for something."

She smiled and took a sip of her wine as her phone started vibrating.

He sipped his drink, watching her as she spoke on the phone. The call was short, too short in his opinion as he loved watching her in Lieutenant mode.

"That was Fin." She said when she hung up. "I have to go back to the station. They just went to pick up the last guy that Zach talked to on MeetCute before we brought him in."

She dropped a twenty on the bar for Anthony before turning to leave and made it a few steps before spinning around. "Are you coming,  _Rafael_?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

He was pretty sure he'd made a big mistake bringing attention to her use of his name, but there was no going back now. He slipped on his suit jacket before gathering up his paperwork and shoving it in his briefcase, signaling to the bartender. "Put this all on my tab please, Anthony." He said on his way out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

They stopped at a coffee cart on their walk to the station, partially to counteract the effects of the scotch, but mostly just to feed his addiction. When he came away with two cups Olivia waved a hand. "Oh, I'm wired enough, but thank you."

He gave her a look. "These are both for me."

She laughed. "I should have known that."

Once back at the precinct they realized they beat the detectives back, so Rafael helped himself to the large container of pretzels they kept next to the coffee pot.

"So, give me the rundown." He popped a pretzel in his mouth before sitting in a chair and propping his feet up on the table.

She quickly went through the details of Melanie's attack.

"And you think you know which guy it was?"

She nodded, picking up the remote and hitting a few buttons until finally the MeetCute exchanges came on screen. "Here." She pointed out one of the conversations. "This is the last guy that Cahill messaged. Justin McKafee. They go back and forth with the initial flirtations and then Zach mentions meeting up. There's nothing after that. We assume they moved to texting or some other app, but we'll need a warrant to determine that."

The guilt hit him again. If he'd done a better job of convincing the judge the first time around, they would have already had more on Cahill and they might have been able to stop him before he messaged this McKafee. Then Melanie never would have been attacked.

"Stop." Benson said, leaning down and putting both hands on the table.

"What?"

"I know a guilt spiral when I see one."

"I'm not…"

He was cut off by Carisi, Fin, and Rollins entering the squad room with their suspect. Justin wasn't cuffed, but Fin had him by the arm.

Barba noted that he fit Melanie's description of mid-twenties, thin, with brown hair, but then again, so did half of Manhattan.

Fin and Rollins took Justin to interrogation while Olivia, Barba, and Carisi gathered to watch through the window.

"Can you please tell me what's going on? You show up at my place at one o'clock in the morning and drag me down here. What happened?"

"That's what we need you to tell us." Fin said, crossing his arms.

"Where were you tonight around 9pm?" Rollins asked.

"I was at a bar celebrating my friend's birthday. Why?"

"Are you sure you weren't with her?" Rollins slid an 8 x 10 of Melanie's driver's license photo across the table.

"This is about her?" Justin seemed genuinely surprised.

"So, you know her?" Fin leaned in.

"We matched on MeetCute. Chatted a little bit. That's all. Did something happen to her?"

"You just chatted? You didn't meet up?" Rollins ignored his question.

"No. She suggested that we meet up tonight, but I couldn't because of the birthday party. What's this about?"

"She was sexually assaulted in her apartment tonight." Fin told him.

"Whoa!" Justin threw his hands up. "I had nothing to do with that! I was at McNeal's with 10 people, ask them."

Barba reached over and flicked off the speaker. "It doesn't seem like this is your guy."

"He could be lying." Carisi provided.

"If he's lying he's really stupid since it's easily verifiable." Olivia said, looking through the glass where Justin still seemed to be proclaiming his innocence. She checked her watch. "Carisi, McNeal's is still open. Get down there and see if any of the staff can verify if Justin was in there tonight and for how long."

"On it, Lieu."

When he was gone Olivia scrubbed a hand over her face, the exhaustion finally catching up to her. "I thought for sure this would be our guy. He's the only one Zach messaged about meeting up with in the last two days."

"Maybe it was someone from earlier on who didn't act until now?" Barba offered.

"Maybe." She sighed. "But there weren't any messages setting up a date for tonight and Melanie said the man that attacked her said that they'd planned to meet. Maybe Zach is using another app? We just assumed it was MeetCute. We need that phone."

"Where's Melanie now?"

"Teri took her to a hotel. I put a couple of unis on her just to be safe."

Barba shook his head. "I'm not waking a judge up at 1:30 in the morning when Zach is waiting to be arraigned and Melanie is safe. It can wait until morning."

"You're right." She admitted.

"Come again?" He asked, pretending like he had misunderstood her.

"I'm not repeating it." She smiled, leaning her head back against the window.

"Get some sleep." He said, heading for the door. "I'll get you your warrants first thing."

"Thank you, Rafael."

He didn't even need to turn around, he could hear the smile in her voice. He just shook his head and kept walking.

Olivia knocked on the glass, signaling her detectives.

"What's up?" Fin asked.

"I don't think he's the guy." Olivia said and they both agreed. "Carisi is confirming that with the bar right now, but I say we cut him loose. Drop him off and then go home. And unless something major hits take a couple extra hours in the morning. We won't be able to do much until we get the warrants anyway."

"Copy that. Night, Liv." Fin headed into the interrogation room to tell Justin they'd be taking him home now.

Rollins checked the time. "Thank god for good nannies, right?"

Olivia sighed, the guilt that she'd been feeling all night kicking up again. "Amen to that."

* * *

Olivia followed her own advice the next morning, taking a little extra time at home and even dropping Noah off at preschool herself. After stopping to get a giant coffee that Barba would be proud of, she made her way to the precinct.

She shook her head when she saw that every one of her detectives were already at their desks.

"We just got here. I promise." Rollins said unbelievably.

"Sure." She dropped her bag in her office before returning to the squad room. "So, where are we?"

"Security cam and receipts place McKafee at the bar from eight until almost midnight." Carisi supplied.

"And just to be safe I stopped by the hotel on my way in to show Melanie a photo array." Rollins told her. "She didn't ID Justin."

"Cahill had to have set up the date some other way. Wasn't Barba supposed to be getting us a warrant for his phone?" Fin asked as Rafael walked in.

"And he did." Barba dropped the warrant on the table. "And as a little icing on the cake, I got all the electronics. Laptop, tablet, basically anything with a power button." He added smugly.

"Looks like Christmas has come early." Olivia turned to her team. "Rollins and Carisi, grab TARU and get over to Cahill's apartment. Fin, his phone is probably still bagged at the tombs, you can pick it up there."

"Fin, wait." Barba stopped him. "You might as well go to the apartment with the other two. Cahill was ROR'ed an hour ago."

"What? Seriously?"

He shot Olivia a look. "It was an A misdemeanor, Liv. Sorry for not sending him directly to the electric chair."

"What about the rape? He's just as responsible as the rapist is."

"You're getting a little ahead of yourself don't you think?"

When the detectives saw the angry look cross their Lieutenant's face they decided it was best to get out of dodge. Carisi slowly slid the warrant off of the table so as to not draw attention and they slipped out of the room to go do their jobs.

"Ahead of myself? You know that he set all this up."

"Do we know that?"

"Yes!" She took a deep breath to calm herself down. "I know in my gut that he is responsible for this."

"If you arrest him for this, you better hope they find something more substantial that I can take to the grand jury. I can't present your gut as evidence."

"So, we can arrest him for the rape?"

He felt like this was a mistake, it was too early in the investigation, but the way her eyes were pleading with him made him want to do anything she asked. Finally, he sighed. "Yes, do it."

She turned to tell the team to bring Cahill in along with his belongings, but the room was empty.

"You know they left like five minutes ago, right?" The corner of his mouth ticked up.

"Of course." She pulled her phone out to call Fin.

"You've been behind a desk too long, Lieutenant. Your skills of observation are slipping."

"Don't you have somewhere you need to be?" She asked, putting her phone to her ear.

He looked at his watch. Unfortunately, she was right. She was already talking to Fin so he tossed her a wave before heading out of the squad room, still not sure if they were doing the right thing.


	7. Chapter 7

Later that afternoon Barba found himself arraigning Zach Cahill yet again.

"How does your client plead Ms. Heller?"

"Not guilty, your honor."

"Mr. Barba, what do the people request for bail?" The judge asked.

"Remand, your honor." Barba knew he'd never get it, but he figured he might as well swing for the fences. "The defendant is currently facing other charges regarding this matter and has continuously escalated his criminal behavior and poses a significant threat to his victim."

"What victim? This is harassment by the ADA and the NYPD plain and simple." Arlene said angrily. "They have it out for him so now they're making up charges."

"Save it for trial, counselor. What is your argument on bail?"

"My client should be released on his own recognizance, your honor. He owns a business, has family in the city, he's not going anywhere. His only crime is bad taste in women."

"Watch it, Ms. Heller." The judge warned. "Bail is set at $50,000 cash or bond."

"What? I don't have that kind of cash!" Zach complained.

"Ms. Heller, I'd advise you to get control of your client." The judge warned.

"Your honor," Barba interrupted before the judge could call the next case. "Should the defendant make bail we request an order of protection for the victim, including any online harassment or written communication."

"Granted." The judge banged the gavel, signifying the end of the proceedings.

"Well, at least you got the OOP." Olivia told him when he'd walked over to the gallery.

"Small victories." He said as they exited the courtroom. "Tell me you found something."

"I just got a text from, Fin. They finally got the phone open. If only they'd thought to try his birthday first." Cahill had refused, upon advice of counsel, to unlock the phone for them.

"Well, good thing he's unimaginative." Barba scoffed as they stepped out into the June heat. "Anything on the laptop or iPad?"

"TARU has them. As soon as we know something, you will."

They had just turned to go their separate ways when her phone vibrated. "Hey, Rollins. I'm actually not sure. Barba is right here, let me ask." He stopped walking and turned back to her when he heard his name.

She covered the mouthpiece of her phone. "The MeetCute warrant, is it still good? Can we get the records from between the time we last got them and now?"

He nodded. "It's good for all records of those specified accounts. There's no timeframe."

"Yeah, it's good." Olivia said into her phone. "Good thinking, Rollins."

"She thinks Cahill sent the messages after we got the records?"

Olivia nodded, annoyed that she hadn't thought of it herself. They could have had those messages last night.

"There was what, a couple hours between getting the records and picking up Cahill? That's a small window."

"Yeah, but it's still a window."

* * *

"Tell me you've found something." Olivia said when she walked into the squad room.

"We've got our rapist. Dylan Larson." Amanda was just adding Dylan's details to their white board. "Fin and Carisi are on their way to his last known address."

"Great work." Olivia was relieved that they were finally getting somewhere.

"Yeah, but we've got a problem." Amanda told her.

"What is it?" Olivia asked even though she didn't really want to know.

"Well, the new batch of MeetCute records shows the message that set up the 'date' with Melanie."

"So, what's the problem?"

"The message was sent when Cahill was sitting in our interrogation room." Amanda broke the news.

"What?" Olivia didn't understand. "How is that possible?"

Amanda shook her head. "It doesn't make any sense because every message that account sent on MeetCute matches exactly with the message history on the app on Zach's phone except for the one that led to the rape. It was sent from the account, but not from Zach's phone."

"So, it proves Zach is the one behind the accounts, but clears him of facilitating the rape?" Olivia's brow furrowed. "No way. He's behind this."

"How?" Amanda asked. "He has the most ironclad alibi anybody can have. He was with a Lieutenant and an ADA."

"I don't know. Just keep digging. There's an explanation." Olivia marched into her office. She had to call Barba and break the news. She felt like a coward, but she was relieved when his phone went to voicemail. "So, I have good news and bad news…" She began her message.

* * *

"You have got to be kidding me with this, Liv." Barba stormed into her office an hour later.

"You didn't have to come down here." Olivia said, sliding her glasses off her face.

"Yes, I did. I need to make sure this Larson gives us something on Cahill to try to save this shit show. Is he here yet?"

"Fin and Carisi are trying to track him down. He wasn't at home and his boss said he's off today."

"Fantastic." Rafael sank into one of her visitor's chairs.

"They'll find him." She assured him.

"They better. It'd be nice to at least put the actual rapist away."

"Zach did this. He was chatting with Larson for days, revving him up. We just didn't link it at first because there wasn't anything setting up a meet. I know he sent that last message somehow. We'll prove it."

"I hope you're right." He'd known arresting Cahill for the rape was premature. "Otherwise this is all one colossal fuck up."

"I get it. I know what's at stake here."

"I know you do, Liv. It's just…we have enough scrutiny right now with everything that's going on. I shouldn't have taken this on. It was a dud from the beginning."

"She was  _raped_."

"And we'll put away her rapist. But this business with Cahill…" He shook his head.

"So, he just gets away with it? Setting Melanie up to be attacked? He kept giving men her phone number, her address. He knew something like this would happen eventually. It's what he wanted."

"Well it's going to make for a great trial when you and I are called to the stand as alibi witnesses. It will be a first getting to cross examine myself."

"You say that like it's not your dream."

"I would be the perfect witness." He allowed himself a small smile even though he was still frustrated with the turn the case had taken and mad at himself for once again letting her sway him into doing things he wouldn't normally do.

There was some commotion in the squad room and they looked up to see Fin and Carisi leading Dylan Larson into interrogation. He too was a nondescript twenty-something white male with brown hair.

"Show time." Barba said and they both stood. Olivia opened the blinds and flipped on the speaker so they could observe the interrogation.

"…last night?" Carisi was asking.

"At home watching TV."

"Anyone able to verify that?" Fin asked.

"No, I was alone."

"You recognize this girl?" Carisi showed him the DMV photo of Melanie.

Dylan barely glanced at the picture. "Never seen her."

Olivia and Barba made knowing eye contact. Dylan was a really bad liar.

"You didn't talk to her on MeetCute? You didn't tell her that," Carisi pulled a piece of paper out of the file and read directly from the messages that were sent. "You wanted to 'lick her from head to toe and fuck her within an inch of her life'?"

"What a charmer." Barba mumbled.

"Where'd you get that?" Dylan demanded. "That's private."

"You mean you didn't want other people to know that you 'love to be tickled until you pee a little'?" Fin recited from memory.

Dylan seethed, but didn't say a word.

"What about Zach Cahill?" Fin asked.

"Who?" Larson seemed confused about the change of subject.

Fin pulled a picture of Zach out of the file. "Do you know this guy?"

Dylan shook his head.

"What if I told you that he was the one you were messaging with the whole time?" Carisi tapped a finger on Zach's picture.

"What are you talking about?" Dylan continued shaking his head. "No. No. She…she wanted me."

"No, it was this man. He was the one telling you how sexy you are, all those things he wanted to do to you." Fin hammered home.

"No!" Dylan jumped out of his seat. "She wanted me. She invited me over. She said…she said she wanted to be with me."

"Who said that, Dylan?" Carisi softened.

Dylan sank back down into his chair, tapping Melanie's photo. "She did. Melanie."

"Well, that was easy." Barba turned from the window to look at Olivia as she turned off the speaker.

"Never underestimate the fragility of the male ego." She said knowingly.

Barba shot her a look, not entirely sure that the comment wasn't aimed at him as well as Dylan.

"But," Olivia continued. "This proves that it was the MeetCute messages that instigated the attack on Melanie."

"Yeah, all except for the pesky message giving Larson her address."

"Even without that we have all the older messages where Zach laid the groundwork. He got Dylan all worked up long before that message went out."

"Even so, the fact that Cahill was in your precinct when it did go out is a big whopping heap of reasonable doubt."

"Look, Rollins got the IP address that the message was sent from. We need a warrant for the internet service provider so we can track that down. Once we know that we'll be able to figure out how Cahill set this up."

"Fine, I'll get your warrant, but, Liv, if it doesn't lead anywhere you have to let this go."

She nodded her agreement, but only because she believed they'd find what they needed.

He looked at his watch. "I need to go get your warrant."

"Thank you."

Her gratitude gave him a pang of guilt as he headed for the door, knowing that he was about to really piss her off.


	8. Chapter 8

Rafael sat on the brown leather sofa in his living room, nursing a scotch, searching for precedent to use in a motion hearing he had the next morning, when the landline on the end table rang. The only purpose that phone served was a connection to the front desk.

"Hello, Frank." He said, knowing who would be on duty this time of night.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Barba." The doorman said. "But I have an Officer Benson here."

"Lieutenant." Barba heard Olivia say in the background.

"I'm sorry, a Lieutenant Benson here and she's insisting that I send her up, even given the late hour."

He could tell by Frank's tone that he'd gone a couple rounds with Liv before finally being bullied into calling up.

"It's okay, Frank. You can send her up." Truthfully, he was amused that she'd shown up here. He thought he'd at least get the benefit of a night's sleep to help calm her down before she came at him, but he should have known she'd want to spar as soon as she heard the news.

It wasn't long before there was a heavy knock on his apartment door.

"What can I do for you, Liv?" He asked by way of greeting even though he knew exactly why she was there.

He held the door open for her to enter, but she didn't move. She'd fully planned on storming over here and giving him a piece of her mind, but his appearance caught her completely off guard.

Instead of his suit, or even the rare polo and khakis, he was wearing dark sweatpants and a gray t-shirt. Granted the sweats probably cost more than she made in a week, but they were sweatpants nonetheless. His normally perfectly styled hair was mussed, seemingly left in whatever way it had dried after he'd showered earlier, and a five o'clock shadow had appeared on his face since she'd last seen him.

She was aware that her mouth was agape, but she couldn't stop it.

"Um…are you going to come in, or?" He ran a hand nervously over his hair, trying to get it somewhat under control.

"Yeah, yeah, uh sorry." She stepped inside. "I just genuinely didn't even think you owned a t-shirt."

"Well, I can't sleep in my suits. They'd wrinkle." He deadpanned, gesturing her into the living room.

She realized that she'd never been to his apartment before even though he'd been to hers several times. It was classic and elegant, all dark wood tones and filled with books. Just as she would have pictured it to be if she'd ever bothered to do so, which, of course, she had never done.

There was a glass of scotch, on a coaster of course, and a couple of open law books on the coffee table. His Macbook was sitting open on the couch with what looked like quite the daunting document on the screen. "Working late?"

"Smalltalk? Really?" He asked with a smirk. "What are you doing here? And how are you here? How'd you get my address?"

"Really?" It was her turn to smirk. "You should know better than to ask those questions by now."

"Right." He sat on the couch and motioned for her to do so as well, but she chose to stay standing, looking out his window at the cars driving down Park Avenue. "Again, I ask. What brings you by?"

It was then that she remembered that she was pissed. "You released Cahill? What were you thinking?"

He groaned and reached for his drink. Realizing he'd been a poor host, he pointed at the glass in offering and she waved it off. "No, thanks."

"I was thinking – that there isn't any physical evidence to prove that he facilitated the rape." He said in answer to her question. "In fact, that there was evidence to the contrary. That unless I could convince a jury that he was telepathically messaging with Larson from your interrogation room, there was no way to get a conviction."

"But I know he did this." She turned to face him, leaning against the window sill.

"How, Liv? How did he do it? He was in our custody."

"As soon as we get the location where the last message was sent, we'll be able to prove it. I told you that. I thought you were going to give me time to figure it out. We still had four days before you had to bring it before a grand jury." She paused a moment as something became clear to her. "You weren't ever going to take this to the grand jury were you?"

He shook his head. "That's not true."

"You said it yourself, it was a dud from the start." She started pacing the room. "You never wanted to pursue this. You were what, humoring me? Waiting until I finally gave up?"

"You're right that I thought this was a longshot and that we shouldn't be arresting Cahill again so prematurely, but do you really think I would waste all this time and effort, waste the court's time, if I didn't think it was worth the fight?"

She didn't answer, just kept pacing.

Finally, he drained his glass, stood, and placed his hands on her shoulders so she'd stop.

"You're going to damage the hardwood with those boots of yours."

She chuckled and he was happy that his words had the effect he'd intended.

"Look," He told her, not moving his hands. "We have no case and Heller knows it. It was only a matter of time before she drowned us in motions. I had to let him go for now. Find me something, anything, that proves that Cahill did this and I'll convene a grand jury. I'm on your side. Always. You know that."

Her smile faded because the look in his eyes was so serious and she nodded her agreement, knowing that what he said was true.

Standing there, looking into her eyes in the middle of his living room he felt it, in that moment something shifted, clicking into place finally after all these years. His hands slowly slid down from her shoulders to hold onto her arms as he took the small step forward to close the gap between them. And then his lips were on hers.

Later, once she had analyzed this a million times, she'd come to the conclusion that if he'd just been wearing a damn suit, it never would have happened. But something about him standing there, looking so disheveled and, she could admit it, sexy, made her temporarily lose her head. If he'd only been his normal, put together self she would have been able to resist, but here she was, kissing him back.

Like they had a mind of their own her hands gripped his neck before her fingers slid up into his hair. It was softer than she imagined it would be. He groaned in delight, moving his hands down to grip her hips, pulling her tighter to him. He nipped at her bottom lip and she parted her lips further to allow their tongues to intertwine.

His stubble scratched her chin and cheeks, but she didn't care. It was a small price to pay to have his lips moving expertly against hers.

Finally parting for some much-needed air, he trailed kisses along her jaw, below her ear and down her neck. "He esperado esto por tanto tiempo." He whispered between kisses, almost as if he didn't even realize he was saying it out loud.

That's when she froze. What were they doing? "Wait. Wait. Rafael, stop."

He immediately pulled away and took a step back, his hair falling onto his forehead. "What's wrong?"

"This." She waved a hand between them. "This is wrong."

"Is it?" He asked, his breathing still ragged.

"Of course it is." Her tone didn't match the certainty of her words.

"Why, Liv?"

"Well, I mean we're friends, and…and…we work together."

"That never stopped you before." He wanted to kick himself. Sometimes he really needed to learn to reign in his mouth.

Her eyes narrowed. "Screw you, Barba."

And just like that, he was back to Barba.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

Her eyebrow ticked up. "Oh? And how did you mean it?"

He took a breath, making sure to collect his thoughts this time so he didn't say anything else that would make this worse. "I just meant that you have, in the past, dated men that were work adjacent."

"So that's what this would be? You want to date me?"

"I mean…I don't know…I just.." It was pretty amusing to see him flustered for once. "I don't know what I want, I mean this just kind of happened."

"I speak enough Spanish to know what you said." She admitted. "You've 'waited for this for so long'? That doesn't seem spur of the moment to me."

"It just came out. I didn't plan this." He told her honestly. "But Liv, you have to admit there's been something here for a while. You and me, we aren't just coworkers."

She knew that was true. They hadn't been just coworkers in a long time. "There's too much at stake. I've been down this road, as you so graciously pointed out. It doesn't end well and is that what you want? Risking our careers and our friendship for what, a fling? Or worse a relationship that won't work out anyway?"

"Wow." He gave a rueful smile. "And I thought I was cynical when it came to such matters."

"Can you blame me?"

He really couldn't. In the short time he'd known her he'd had courtside seats to watch two of her relationships crash and burn.

"So now what?" He asked.

"Now, I go home to my son. And tomorrow you and I go do our jobs, just like always."

He had too much pride to beg her to stay, to give them a shot, so he just stood there, not moving until he heard the click of his apartment door closing behind her. Then he crumpled to the couch and poured another drink.


	9. Chapter 9

"The internet service provider assures me they'll get the info for that IP address to us as soon as they can." Olivia briefed her team the next morning. "In the meantime, I've asked Melanie to come in to ID Dylan in a lineup. I know the end goal is Cahill, but I don't want the case against Dylan slipping through the cracks. What?" She snapped at Rollins who was pinning her with a scrutinizing gaze.

"Sorry, Lieutenant. It's just that your face looks kind of red. Are you okay?"

Sometimes it really sucked working with people whose job it was to pay attention to every detail. She'd done her best to cover up the stubble burn she'd received from Rafael, but apparently she hadn't done a good enough job.

"Fine." Olivia assured her. "I think I'm allergic to my new moisturizer or something." She said quickly before heading into her office.

"Is the victim here yet?" Barba asked grumpily as he walked into the squad room.

"Not yet, she's on her…" Rollins stopped talking when she looked up from her laptop and saw him. As usual he was dressed in an impeccable three-piece suit, not a hair out of place, but what interested her was his tired eyes and the night's worth of scruff on his cheeks. She kicked Carisi under the table.

"Ow, what the hell?"

God, men were so dense, she thought as she tried to communicate with him using only her eyes.

Barba pinched the bridge of his nose. "I have not had enough coffee yet today to deal with you people." As if to prove his point he moved over to the coffee pot to pour a cup.

He'd been unable to sleep after Olivia had left the night before so he'd stayed up working, and drinking, for the better part of the night. He'd finally fallen asleep around 3 and then, for the first time since college, he'd overslept. He hadn't even had time to shave. Thankfully the defense had asked for a continuance on today's motion hearing so he didn't have to be in court at all today.

"Let me know when she's here." He said to the detectives before leaving the conference area to find an empty desk to work at while he waited.

"What was that about?" Carisi asked in a hushed tone once he was out of ear shot.

"I'd bet my pension that it's stubble burn on Liv's face." Amanda told him.

Carisi's eyes widened. "Barba is looking awful scruffy…"

"Liv and Barba? You're nuts." Fin jumped in.

"Are you kidding me? It's all there." Amanda couldn't believe that such a good detective could miss something so obvious.

"They spend half their time at each other's throats."

"Passion." Carisi said matter-of-factly.

Fin just shook his head. "The Lieutenant hears you talking about this and you'll both be on desk duty until you retire."

They knew he wasn't wrong, so they decided to drop it. For now.

* * *

"Okay, Melanie, just take your time." Olivia said gently as they stood in front of the window, looking in at Dylan who stood with a bunch of young, brunette, plain clothes officers they'd pulled from downstairs.

The small space was cramped. In addition to Olivia and Melanie, Teri, Barba, and Dylan's lawyer all squeezed in.

Melanie looked from one to the next until she got to Dylan. Olivia felt her start to tremble. "Number four."

"Where do you recognize him from?" Barba asked as a formality.

"He's the man that…attacked me in my apartment."

"Good job, Melanie." Teri said, leading her away as Olivia knocked on the window four times.

"Well, Counselor." Barba said to Dylan's attorney. "I think it might be time you suggest your client get a real lawyer."

Ever since Larson's brother, a tax lawyer, had walked into the squad room announcing that he was representing his brother, Barba had taken every opportunity to get his digs in. He was still annoyed and tired and he loved having this outlet for his bad mood.

The elder Larson bristled at his comment. "I was a defense attorney before going into tax law and I think the smart move here is to ask for a deal."

"Why would I do that? He all but admitted to the rape, he has no alibi, he was just picked out of a line up, and as soon as we have the DNA back, that will match too. This is a slam dunk at trial."

"Then I guess we'll see you in court." The lawyer stomped away.

"Rafael, maybe we should try to deal." Olivia suggested. "It might be better for Melanie."

"Thank you, Lieutenant, but I don't need you to tell me how to do my job." He snapped. "I know you're going to make me drag Melanie through a trial for Zach Cahill if you get the chance, so why is this any different? We have a chance to make the actual rapist do real time. Or do you just want this wrapped up so you can spend your time chasing after Cahill?"

Her eyes narrowed and she glanced out into the squad room where people were starting to stare, having picked up on his raised voice. "Let's not do this here."

"Fine."

The tension that followed them to her office was palpable.

"What the hell is your problem?" Olivia demanded the second she'd closed her office door.

"I don't have a problem. I'm just trying to do what you told me to do. You told me to come to work today and do my job. That's what I'm doing."

She sighed. She should have known that they couldn't just pretend last night had never happened, even though she'd hoped. "You're pissed about last night?"

"I'm not." He said honestly. "I'm just trying to separate it out, what I thought we were from what we actually are. You wanted the ADA, not anything more, that's what I'm giving you."

He knew he was being petulant, but he genuinely wasn't sure how to behave now, so he'd decided to take everything personal out of it. Like he'd told her, he just wanted to work.

"No, I wanted nothing to change. You're acting like you did the first day you walked in here. Before we were friends. Before…before we meant something to each other."

A headache throbbed between his eyes, a combination of too little sleep, too much scotch, and entirely too much confusion caused by one Olivia Benson.

"Fine." He sighed. He didn't have the energy to keep fighting. "I'll be your doting ADA, I'll be your drinking buddy, I'll plead out Larson. Whatever you want, Olivia." He waved a hand in the air as he turned and left her office.

"Did you break Barba?" Fin asked, stepping into her office through the door that Barba had left open. He looked back as he watched the ADA exit the squad room, shoulders lowered.

"I think I might have." Olivia said quietly before shaking herself and refocusing. "What's up?"

"We got the location of the IP address that the last message was sent from."

"Great, where was it?"

* * *

That afternoon Olivia walked into Barba's outer office, greeting Carmen. "Is he in?"

Carmen nodded. "Go on in, Lieutenant Benson."

Olivia's hand hesitated on the doorknob, but then she straightened her spine. She'd gone through much more dangerous doorways than this one.

His desk was empty, but when she closed the door behind her she saw that he was stretched out on his couch asleep. A smile slid over her face as she took in the scene. He still held a pen loosely in his right hand, but a file had fallen onto the floor and some of the papers had scattered. There were two paper coffee cups along with a half empty ceramic one on the coffee table, but apparently their contents hadn't been powerful enough.

It was an interesting thing, seeing this man who was always so in control and cocky sleeping peacefully. It was shock to her system, like seeing him in his sweats the night before. It had been easier to compartmentalize her feelings for him before she'd began getting these little glimpses behind the curtain. But now, this vulnerable, handsome man was starting to meld with the brilliant, confident attorney she worked with every day and it was sparking things within her.

Could she really do this again? Her relationship with David Haden had caused so many problems. Wouldn't this just be repeating past mistakes? But what if it worked out this time, a small piece of her argued.

She sighed and shook her head, trying to decide if she should wake him up or just leave. Finally, she decided not to disturb him. The dark shadows he'd had under his eyes that morning told her he needed the rest.

"Liv?"

She'd barely opened the door an inch so she closed it again and turned to him. He sat up, clearing his throat and running a hand over his face. If she thought he was adorable sleeping, it didn't compare to how he looked having just woken up. His heavy-lidded eyes and mussed hair were almost too much for her to take.

"Sorry, I was..." He gestured toward the couch before beginning to clean up the papers that had scattered. "Did you need something?"

"I just came by to update you on the case." It was true, but she could have done it over the phone. Honestly, after the way he'd left her office that morning she'd wanted to see him, to make sure they were okay.

"Did you guys find something?" He gestured for her to join him on the couch and she did.

"The last message to Melanie was sent from a Starbucks in Union Square. The squad is going over the footage now."

He nodded, unsure of why she had to come all the way down here to tell him that. "Okay, well, let me know if they find anything."

"I will." She stood to leave, again finding herself pausing with her hand on the doorknob. "Do you want to get a drink later?"

He sighed, running a hand over his face again. "Olivia, I don't know if that's a good idea right now. I promise things will go back to normal I just need more than a day."

She took a deep breath. "Actually, I was thinking that maybe it could be a…a date."

He froze. Was this really happening? Maybe he was still asleep.

She misread his hesitation. "Or not, you know, just forget I said anything."

"Sorry, I thought maybe I was dreaming." He stood and walked over to her, a small grin playing on his lips. "Olivia Benson has asked me on a date."

"Okay, if you're going to be like that about it." She started to open the door, but he put his hand on it forcing it shut. She turned to face him and he kept his hand on the door, hovering close to her.

"I would love to go on a date with you."

Her heart pounded, whether it was from his words, how close he leaned into her, or nerves about what this all meant she wasn't sure. It was probably a combination of all three.

"Okay then." Her voice was quiet.

He kissed her cheek softly then took a step back. "I'll be here working. Text me when you're done for the night."

She nodded and walked out of his office, oblivious to the knowing smile on Carmen's face.


	10. Chapter 10

They decided to meet on the Upper West Side, far away from both of their offices to lessen the chance of being seen by anyone they knew, and then decide where to go from there.

As she stepped out of her cab at their designated meeting place, she noticed that he'd removed his tie and undone a couple of the top buttons of his checked shirt. She wished she'd been able to change, but coming straight from work it would have caught the attention of her squad if she'd left in a dress. Luckily, she'd found some lipstick in her purse that she'd swiped on in the cab.

His smile when he saw her made her heart race. Had he really been looking at her like that all this time and she hadn't noticed?

"There's a little place I know that's not far from here. If that's okay?" He asked once they'd greeted each other.

"Sounds good." She agreed.

As they walked, Olivia filled him in on where they were on the case. They had screengrabs of all the patrons in the Starbucks at the time the message was sent. They were going to show them to Melanie tomorrow to see if she recognized anyone. The only way this was any different than usual was that Olivia had her hand in the crook of Rafael's elbow.

They stopped outside of the small bar that Barba had been to a couple of times before. It was quiet and lowkey, just what the night called for. Before they went inside he turned to her. "Okay, once we go through that door this is a date. We aren't going to talk about the case."

"Agreed." She nodded resolutely.

It was New York, so even though it was a Thursday the bar was fairly full, but they were able to find a booth near the back. They ordered drinks and quietly perused the menu. Olivia hadn't eaten since that morning, but she found her stomach in knots, so when the waitress came back she ordered a salad that she planned to just pick at

Barba ordered a cheeseburger which seemed to amuse her. "What?"

"I don't know. It just seems so…pedestrian for you."

"Do you all really see me as some upper crust, stuffed shirt?" He asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"No, I just know you enjoy the finer things."

"I do, but that doesn't mean that Rafi from the Bronx can't enjoy a good cheeseburger."

"Duly noted." She smiled.

She'd been worried that things might be awkward, that the pressure of calling this a date would make it more difficult somehow, so she was happy that even without talking about work they were able to fall into their usual rhythm.

"Speaking of home, how's your mom?"

He was touched that she thought to ask and seemed to genuinely care. "She took it really hard when my abuelita died, but I think she's doing better. She complains that I work too much even though she keeps similar hours." He smiled, thinking of how hard working and dedicated his mother was.

"You definitely get it honest." Olivia agreed.

"She likes you." Rafael told her seriously.

She was surprised. "We only met for a few seconds."

"Well, it's possible that I've told her quite a bit about you."

"Yeah, that I drive you crazy." She shot him a look.

He laughed. "Yes, that. And that's still true, but there were other things."

"Like?"

He was regretting saying anything and was thankful when their food arrived, giving him a bit of stalling time.

"So, you were saying…" Olivia prompted once the waitress had walked away, not letting him off the hook, a mischievous grin on her face.

"Well," He fiddled with his napkin, looking down at the table. "I may have told her that you're brave, opinionated, passionate, caring, and the strongest woman I've ever met, next to her of course." When he finally glanced up at her with those gorgeous green eyes she knew that she was a goner.

* * *

"So, I'm curious about something." He leaned back in the booth once their meal was mostly complete.

"What's that?"

"What made you decide to do this?" He gestured between them.

"What made you kiss me in your apartment?" She fired back.

He shook his head. "I asked you first."

Olivia tilted her head to the side and looked at him for a moment. "You look very cute when you're sleeping." She said finally.

He didn't know what he'd expected her answer to be, but it definitely wasn't that. "So, if I would have zonked out in my office months ago I could have saved us a lot of time?"

"Maybe. I guess we'll never know." She smiled. "Your turn."

"I just find you very attractive when you're mad at me."

She laughed. "You must always find me attractive then."

"That I do." He said, leaning in to rest his forearms on the table, a glint in his eye.

"Can I get you another round?" The waitress asked, coming to clear their plates.

Rafael looked at Liv, willing to follow her lead on this.

She glanced at the time on her phone screen and shook her head. "I'd like to, but I have to get home to tuck Noah in."

"Just the check please." Barba said to the waitress.

"So, we're really doing this?" Olivia asked once she'd walked away.

He reached over and took her hand in his. "We really are."

It was easy to get caught up in it while they'd been inside, talking and laughing, his hand resting on hers as they spoke, but when they stepped back out on the sidewalk it was like snapping back to reality. She grew quiet and he could see the wheels turning in her head.

He took her hand and brought it to his lips before pulling her closer to the building so they were out of the way of people walking down the sidewalk. "Stop worrying. This is a good thing, Liv."

She smiled. "I know, but I can't bear the thought of not working cases with you, or not working SVU. It's my life."

"It might not come to that." He tried to ease her mind even though this was something he worried about himself. He'd work appeals before he let her get pulled from SVU. He knew how much it meant to her. "Let's just take it slow, see how things go, and if it looks like it's going to be something we'll talk to Dodds and the DA. It will look better if we're forthcoming."

"Okay, you're right." She let out a breath.

"You're going to give me an inflated ego if you keep telling me I'm right."

"Give you an inflated ego? Implying that you don't already have one?"

He grinned. "Okay, a bigger one."

She laughed and he leaned in, kissing her softly. When he pulled away she ran a hand over his cheek. "As incredibly attractive as I find this look, you need to shave. Rollins clocked my stubble burn this morning."

"She's too good at her job." He frowned. "But I will do anything you ask if it allows me to keep kissing you."

Her heart flipped in her chest. She'd already been attracted to him, but getting to see him like this just made her attraction grow. She felt special, knowing that he didn't allow many people access to this part of who he was. She was definitely going to enjoy getting to know the romantic side of Rafael Barba.

"Well, permission granted, Counselor."

And in that moment if someone told him that he would be disbarred if he ever kissed her again, he still would have pressed his lips to hers. He put a hand around her waist, pulling her close and she put her arms around his neck, deepening the contact.

After a minute he pulled away and cleared his throat, realizing that they were making out on the sidewalk like a couple of teenagers. "Okay, mi guerrera, let's get you home to your boy." He took her hand and stepped toward the street, hailing a cab and pulling open the door for her.

"I had a really great time." He didn't care if it was a cliché, it was the truth.

"Me too, Rafael."

He smiled and gave her another quick kiss before she sank into the cab. "Get home safe." He told her before closing the door. She gave a small wave as the cab pulled away and he watched it disappear down the street before hailing his own.

If Olivia wasn't a grown adult woman she might have described the way she felt as giddy. How could someone she'd worked with nearly every day for almost five years suddenly make her feel the things she was feeling? But the more she thought about it the more she realized the feelings had always sort of been there. It just hadn't ever been the time. There was Cassidy, then adopting Noah, and then Tucker. And he'd waited patiently for her.

 _Mi guerrera_ , she thought with a smile. Not sweetheart or honey or any of those other gushy terms, but "my warrior." Maybe this was finally what it was like to have someone who completely understood her, she thought hopefully as her cab brought her closer to home.


	11. Chapter 11

"Tell me, Melanie. Do you recognize any of these people?" Olivia slid an iPad across the interview table. She sat back silently as Melanie began swiping through the Starbucks security photos.

Melanie flipped through slowly, scrutinizing every face. Finally, she paused, picking up the iPad and looking at it closely. "I think this is Trent." She turned the tablet so Olivia could see.

"Who's Trent?"

"One of Zach's friends. We only met a couple of times, but I think this is him."

"Do you know Trent's last name?" Olivia asked hopefully.

Melanie thought a moment. "Patton? I think."

"Great job." Olivia put her hand on the young woman's. Olivia went to stand so she could tell Carisi the name, but Melanie stopped her.

"Lieutenant Benson?"

"Yes?"

"I had to tell my boss about what happened since I have to keep missing work for things related to the case. He said that I could take time off if I wanted. Is that something that's good for…for victims?"

"Well, it can be sometimes. In my experience, it was easier to dive into work. It can be a good distraction, but just know that going about your daily routine won't completely heal you. I still recommend counseling. And of course, nothing helps like time."

Melanie's eyes widened at the realization that Olivia had been through something similar. "I just feel like if I do it, everyone is going to talk and gossip about why I'm gone and that might be harder to deal with when I come back than just going to work now."

"I think you should do whatever you feel is best for you. If you want to work, work."

"I just don't want anyone to find out what happened to me." She said quietly.

"I can't promise that won't happen, but no one will find out from us." Olivia assured her. "And even if people do find out, you have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Maybe if I hadn't taken those pictures."

"No." Olivia stopped her. "None of this is your fault. Even if Zach didn't have the pictures he still would have created the accounts. This is all on him. You did nothing wrong. Okay?"

"Okay." Melanie nodded, taking a deep breath trying to find her resolve.

"Do you have anyone in your life that does know about this? Someone you can talk to when it gets hard? Friends, your parents?"

Melanie shook her head. "My parents are in Ohio and I haven't told them about any of this. And a lot of my friends were Zach's friends, but I have Teri. She helps me."

"Good." Olivia nodded. "And you have my card. Call me any time, day or night, if you need anything at all."

Melanie nodded. "I will. Thank you, Lieutenant Benson, for everything."

* * *

"You rang." Barba said, joining Amanda and Olivia in front of the interrogation window. Inside sat Trent Patton and his lawyer, a young brunette who barely looked old enough to have passed the bar.

Olivia's eyes roamed over Rafael's clean-shaven face and she gave a hint of a smile, but that was the only thing that gave any indication of the change that had taken place in their relationship. They'd agreed that work was work. They didn't need people suspecting anything and making their lives more complicated.

"As soon as he learned what this was all about he clammed up and asked for his lawyer." Olivia pointed a thumb toward the window.

"He said he wouldn't talk without a deal." Amanda explained.

"And you have proof that he sent the message with Melanie's address?"

"Well, he was in the coffee shop when the message was sent and Melanie ID'd him as one of Zach's friends. The proof is probably on his phone."

"We'll get a warrant if we need to, but since he's wanting to deal let's see what he'll give us." Barba said, holding the door open allowing Olivia and Amanda to walk in ahead of him. The two cops sat down across from Trent and his lawyer, but Barba remained standing.

"Mr. Patton, Ms. Saunders, this is ADA Rafael Barba." Olivia introduced him.

"I want immunity." Trent demanded immediately.

"Of course you do." Barba scoffed. "The way I see it, you don't talk, you're going down for this. You sent the message with Melanie's address, that's facilitation of a rape. You know us DA's," He shrugged a shoulder. "As long as we put someone away we're happy. So what if Cahill walks? We've got you."

"I just did what he asked me to do. It was a prank." Trent blurted.

"Trent." His lawyer cautioned.

"No, I'm not going to jail for sending a fucking message."

"You said Zach asked you to send the message?" Olivia prompted.

Barba leaned against the mirror, crossing his arms, ready to jump in again if he was needed.

"Yes, he told me that Larson was this weird guy that worked at the brewery that they liked to bag on sometimes. Apparently when Zach was dating Melanie, Larson had a little thing for her, so he just wanted to mess with him."

"So why did he have you send the message? He could have done it himself." Amanda questioned.

"He said that he wanted to be with Larson when he got it so he could see his reaction. He wanted to record it just to mess with him later. He gave me the log in info for the MeetCute account and told me he'd let me know when to send it."

"But didn't you think it was weird that it included Melanie's address? That you might be putting her in danger?" Olivia asked.

"I didn't know where Melanie lived, I'd only met her a few times and it was always out somewhere, a bar or whatever. The address was part of the prank, Zach told me it was for a vacant lot. He thought it'd be funny if Larson actually went there."

"You said he would tell you when to send it. How did he contact you?" Amanda asked.

"He sent me a text."

"And then you immediately sent the message?" Olivia asked, realizing the timing still didn't line up. Zach had already been in interrogation for a little while when the message had been sent. He wouldn't have been able to send the text either.

"No." Trent shook his head. "I was at the gym, so I didn't see it right away. But I sent the message as soon as I saw the text."

"My client has cooperated," Trent's lawyer leaned around Amanda to look at Barba. "And as you can see he was duped by his friend, he had no idea of what was actually taking place."

"No, he just thought that he was playing a childish prank on some poor schlub."

"And the last time I checked, that wasn't a crime."

Barba sighed before giving a slight nod. "If this text sent by Cahill is verified and your client agrees to testify, we won't move forward with charges at this time."

She leaned in and whispered something in Trent's ear.

Trent nodded. "Fine."

"Great. And Mr. Patton, you might want to be more selective of your friends in the future."

"Tell me about it." Trent grumbled as he and his lawyer got up to leave.

"Is that enough to indict Cahill?" Liv asked hopefully once they were gone.

"The text?" He asked.

"That's easy enough to check. I'll do it now." Rollins said before walking out into the squad room.

"With Trent's testimony and the text message, I think I can get a grand jury to indict." He answered Olivia's question. "Getting a jury to go along with it is another story."

"They'll see that Zach's behavior directly caused Melanie's rape." Olivia said confidently.

"And people say  _I'm_  overly confident." He said with a grin.

"Well, you're just so good at what you do, I know you'll pull it off."

"I'm already doing what you want. No need to butter me up."

"Now there's an idea." She raised an eyebrow.

He cleared his throat and shot a glance at the mirror. They had no way of knowing if anyone was in the hallway watching, or worse, listening.

She caught his meaning and walked through the side door into her office.

"Now, I can tell you that you look great today." He said once he'd closed the door behind them.

She smiled. "I look the same as I do every day."

"And you look great every day." He wanted to kiss her, but knew he couldn't. Her blinds were open and anyone could walk in at any time.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something, work related." She said and he appreciated the subject change. Work would keep them out of trouble.

"What's up?" He asked, sitting down in one of her visitors' chairs and she sat in hers.

"I know we talked about this already, but I really think we…you…should try to plead out Dylan. I'm worried about Melanie. She's putting on a brave face, but she doesn't have much of a support system. I don't know if she's up to two grand juries and two trials. I don't even know if she's up to one, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there I guess."

"I called Mr. H&R Block this morning." She laughed at the nickname. "We're meeting in an hour to discuss a plea."

"Well, that wasn't very hard." Olivia was surprised.

He shrugged. "I just realized it was too easy. Convicting Larson would be no fun. Shooting fish in a barrel."

"Uh huh."

He ignored her disbelief. "But I'm going to be convening a grand jury for Cahill as soon as possible. We're going to need Melanie for that. Cahill isn't going to roll over like Larson will."

"We'll make sure she's ready. If I can get her to come in do you have time for prep later this afternoon?"

He nodded. "Bring her by after my meeting with Jackson Hewitt."

"Tax law is a respectable profession you know."

"Sure it is." He stood and threw a glance out at the squad room. No one was paying attention so he gave her hand a quick squeeze. "It's Friday, got any plans tonight?"

"Oh yeah, I've got a hot date with a three-year-old."

"How about I come over and cook both of you dinner?"

"And he cooks too?"

He held out his arms. "I'm a man of many talents, Olivia."

"Well, unless your specialty is macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets I'm not sure how well it will go over."

"I make a mean chicken nugget."

She thought a moment. It was a big deal bringing Noah into this, especially so soon. But Noah knew Rafael already and as far as he knew they were just having dinner with Mommy's friend from work.

"Okay." She said finally. "Let's do it."

"Great." He went to grab her hand again, but there was knock on her door, so he stuck his hand in his pocket right before it swung open.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I found the text." Rollins held up a printout. "Cahill sent Trent a message that said 'Game on' fifty-three minutes before the MeetCute message was sent to Larson. Based on the timing he sent it from the back of the car when we were bringing him in."

Barba nodded. "I'll put the grand jury in motion. Call Melanie." He directed at Olivia before striding out of the room.

"So, we might actually get this guy." Rollins said.

"Looks like it." Olivia's eyes didn't leave Barba's retreating form as he walked through the squad room.

Amanda followed her gaze before shaking her head and walking out of the office. They were so obvious.


	12. Chapter 12

They spent the afternoon and part of the evening prepping Melanie for her grand jury testimony. By the time they were done they were confident that she'd hold her own. Then Olivia drove Melanie home while Rafael went to buy ingredients for dinner, which worked out well because they went their separate ways when they left his office. They congratulated themselves on keeping up their ruse for a whole day.

Lucy had just left for the evening and Olivia was trying to clean up as many toys as she could when Rafael arrived carrying two shopping bags.

"Welcome to the chaos." Olivia held the door open for him.

Her home was the exact opposite of his, bright and messy, and there was nowhere else he'd rather be spending his Friday night.

He wove his way through the toys to the kitchen, dropping the bags on the counter. "Where's Noah?"

"Playing in his room." Olivia told him.

Barba felt like a coward at his relief. He admitted to few faults, but his skills with children were lacking to say the least. He knew that having a relationship with Noah was part of having one with Liv, but he was glad to have a little while longer before putting those skills to the test.

"So, what's on the menu?" Olivia asked as he pulled ingredients out of the bags.

"I thought I'd keep it simple. Arroz con pollo for us and…" He pulled out a box of frozen chicken nuggets, displaying it proudly. "Chicken nuggets for the more refined palate in the household."

Olivia was touched that he'd actually taken what she'd said to heart. "Sounds delicious."

Once he had everything out on the counter he removed his jacket and tie, and rolled up his sleeves, getting to work.

Olivia did her part, uncorking a bottle of red wine and pouring them both a glass. "I don't have any scotch, I'll have to get some for next time."

"Wine is fine." He assured her, picking up his glass and clinking it against hers before taking a sip. It didn't go unnoticed by him that she was already planning for him to be over more often.

"Can I do anything to help?" She offered.

"Yes, you can sit and enjoy your wine."

It was kind of surreal, having him moving deftly around her kitchen, cooking dinner for her and her son. That wasn't to say that she wasn't enjoying it. He looked completely at home here and there was something so attractive about a man that could cook.

"Mommy! Can I-" Noah stopped in his tracks when he saw Rafael.

"Noah, you remember Rafael, Mommy's friend from work." Olivia said, walking over to Noah, who immediately wrapped around her leg.

"Hola, amigo." Rafael squatted down to Noah's level.

"Hola." Noah said shyly.

Rafael looked up at Liv, surprise on his face.

"Fancy New York preschool." She shrugged. "Spanish and French."

"Bonjour!" Noah said, louder this time.

Barba laughed. "Bonjour, Noah. I heard that you like chicken nuggets. Is that true?"

Noah nodded.

"Good, because I'm making some extra special ones just for you."

"Gracias." Noah said, finally coming out from his hiding place behind Liv's legs.

"De nada." Rafael ruffled his hair before standing.

"Mommy, can I watch Paw Patrol?" Noah asked, remembering why he'd come out of his room in the first place.

"Sure, baby. I'll turn it on for you." She said before disappearing into Noah's room to start the show for him.

"You didn't tell me you were raising a trilingual genius." Rafael said when she returned.

"I mean, he is my kid. What did you expect?" She asked with a grin.

"Good point." He said, turning the chicken in the pan.

"That smells amazing." She said, picking up her glass of wine. "Did your mom teach you to cook?"

"Yes, some. And some I figured out on my own using her cookbooks. She worked a lot and went to school at night. And my dad, well even if he could cook it's not really something that's easy to do when you're three sheets to the wind, so I had to fend for myself a lot of the time."

"A story I know well." Olivia shook her head. It was interesting, the things they had in common.

"But," He said cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood. "Thanks to that I get to use my skills to impress women, such as yourself."

"Women, huh?"

"Well, a few." He admitted, suddenly very focused on chopping vegetables.

"It's cute that you don't think that your reputation proceeded you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, we heard all about the Brooklyn playboy ADA." She said with a raise of her eyebrow.

"I have never in my life been called a playboy. Besides," he turned from the stove to face her. "I haven't been that guy in a long time."

"Oh really, why's that?"

"You." He said simply.

The light, joking atmosphere was sucked out of the room and suddenly things seemed very serious. "Um, me?"

Finally having all the ingredients in the pan, he covered it to let it simmer before walking over to her. "Meeting you, realizing that women like you actually existed, made me realize that I wanted so much more than meaningless nights. And then, after a while, I realized that I was comparing every woman I met to you and of course none of them even came close, so I figured what's the point?"

"Wow." She said quietly, mentally kicking herself for all the time she'd wasted telling herself that there was nothing between them.

"You know, plus I've just been really busy." He said, giving her that half grin she loved so much.

"Oh okay." She said, gripping his suspenders and pulling him to her, covering his lips with her own.

And that's how they spent the evening, talking, flirting, and laughing. They enjoyed dinner, which was delicious, and Liv had even managed to get Noah to eat some rice with his chicken nuggets. Then they played three games of Candyland before Olivia announced that it was bedtime, much to Noah's disappointment. After his initial hesitance he'd spent the night attached to Rafael, whom he insisted on calling Barba for reasons unbeknownst to either of the adults, and he didn't want to say goodbye to his new friend.

"It's okay, sweet boy." Olivia said scooping him up. "I think Rafael will be visiting more often, so you'll have other chances to play."

"Park tomorrow?" Noah asked hopefully.

"Oh, I don't know." Olivia said, sending an apologetic look to Barba. "I'm not sure if that's really Rafael's scene."

Admittedly it wasn't, but he felt himself wanting to join them. "If it's okay with your mom, I'd love to go to the park with you tomorrow." He normally spent the bulk of his Saturdays working, but one afternoon off wouldn't hurt.

"Um, okay." Olivia said. "I guess we're going to the park. See, now it's okay for you to go to sleep because you know you'll get to see Rafael tomorrow."

He nodded against her shoulder where his eyes were already starting to droop. "Night, Barba."

"Good night, Noah." Rafael said softly as Liv carried Noah down the hallway. He plucked his glass of wine off the coffee table and sat back on the couch. It had taken them so long, but they'd finally gotten here. Feelings of happiness and contentment washed over him, feelings he hadn't had in quite a while.

"Well, I'm officially spoiled." Olivia announced when she returned the room a little while later.

"That was easy." Rafael smiled.

She joined him on the couch, leaning into him and resting her head on his shoulder. "You cook dinner for me, play with my kid, make Saturday afternoon park plans when I'm sure you'd rather do anything else. What don't you do?"

"Dishes." He joked, absentmindedly threading his fingers through her hair. "You're on your own with the dishes. But you were wrong about one thing."

"What's that?"

"There is nowhere else I'd rather be tomorrow than at the park with you and Noah."

She tilted her head up to kiss him softly before pulling back to look into his eyes. "There's no way you're real."

He laughed. "If I wasn't real, then I couldn't do this." His hand went into her hair, pulling her toward him to capture her lips, nudging them open with his tongue. His other hand roamed up and down her side, skimming her curves.

She shifted, pushing him so that his back was against the arm of the couch and her legs were on either side of his hips. He'd dreamt of it many times, but never thought he'd ever get to experience Olivia Benson hovering over top of him. Dreams didn't do it justice.

She kissed him fiercely, years' worth of passion manifesting itself. He allowed himself to slide his hands up under the bottom of her shirt, finally touching her silky-smooth skin. If his mouth hadn't otherwise been occupied he would have sighed with satisfaction.

Lungs burning, she pulled back, her fingers starting to work the top button of his shirt. Even through the fog of desire she knew that he'd probably be upset if she ripped the buttons off his shirt, so she'd complete the tedious task the proper way.

She'd dispensed of two buttons when she froze.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Rafael panted, concern spread across his face.

She was quiet for a second, listening, and then she sighed. "Nothing, sorry, I thought I heard Noah getting up."

In the heat of the moment it hadn't occurred to him that Noah could walk in on them any second. He didn't want to traumatize the boy. "Maybe we should…"

"Yeah." She climbed off of him, adjusting her top as he rebuttoned his shirt.

"It's probably a good thing. We're supposed to be taking things slow." He reminded her.

"Yeah. Slow." The desire in her eyes betrayed her words.

"As soon as my blood flow readjusts itself, I'll help you clean up." He gestured toward the kitchen.

Olivia stole a quick glance at his lap and she felt even more frustrated once she saw what she was missing out on. "I'll get started." She jumped up, needing to put some distance between them before she climbed on top of him again.

He laughed, feeling quite good about himself that he could get her that hot and bothered.

After a few minutes he felt it was safe to get up and he joined her in the kitchen where she was putting the last of the leftovers into a container.

"I'll wash, you dry?" He suggested.

"I thought you didn't do dishes?"

"For you, I'll make an exception." He gave her a wink before tossing her a dish towel.


	13. Chapter 13

Over the next few weeks Rafael and Olivia settled into their new dynamic. During the day they worked cases, challenging each other just as much as before, if not more so. They did a good job, at least according to them, of not acting any differently than they had before. Then, if they weren't working, they would spend their evenings together, sometimes with Noah and sometimes without. If they went out they were careful to avoid areas near the precinct or his office, doing their best to prevent anyone seeing them.

They still hadn't slept together, committing to their decision to take things slow. They knew once they crossed that line there was no turning back. The anticipation was killing them both, but so far they were holding strong. The extra tension in their relationship was definitely making things interesting.

"Dammit, Barba. Just do your job and get me the warrant." Olivia demanded as they stormed into the squad room. "He knows we're on to him. He could dump the computer at any time."

"Oh, okay sure. 'Your honor, Lieutenant Benson has a feeling that this guy has child pornography on his laptop. Can I have a warrant, please?'" Barba trailed her toward her office. "Yeah, that will work for sure."

"Look, I don't have time to do your job for you. If you can't…" Olivia slammed her office door behind them before flicking the blinds closed.

The second the slats closed, Rafael's hands were on her hips, his lips finding hers in hurried, fervent kisses. He backed her up until she was perched on the edge of her desk.

"So, does this mean I get my warrant?" She asked playfully as he assaulted her neck.

"You can have whatever you want." He growled.

"We are so good at this."

"So good." He said, capturing her lips again.

"No one suspects a thing." She said between kisses.

"Definitely not." He mumbled against her lips.

Out in the squad room Amanda stared intensely at her Lieutenant's closed office door.

"Uh oh, I know that look." Carisi said, sitting down at his desk across from her.

"What look?" Fin asked, glancing up from his computer.

"I think they're sleeping together." Amanda said before Carisi could answer.

"You're crazy." Fin shook his head. "What's your evidence?"

"They used to always stand close to each other, touch each other absentmindedly, a shoulder, an elbow. Now they stand on opposite sides of the room. Plus, they're fighting a lot more."

"They're touching  _less_  and fighting  _more_ , so that means they're sleeping together?"

"No, it makes sense." Carisi chimed in. "They're making a conscious effort not to be close to each other, to throw us off the trail. Plus, why do they need to be close to each other here when they're getting close after hours?"

Amanda gestured to Carisi and gave Fin a 'see?' look. "Yes, and the fighting just seems put upon. Like it's a show for us."

"You both have spent way too much time thinking about this. And even if you're right, that's their business and I don't want to know about it." Fin turned back to his work, done with the conversation.

"So, when do you think it actually started?" Carisi asked Amanda in a gossipy tone.

"Don't you two have cases to solve?" Fin asked, not even looking over at them.

"Yes, Sarge." Amanda picked up a file, but continued to stare at the office door.

* * *

"So, will I see you tonight?" Olivia asked, now seated behind her desk.

"Not tonight." Barba was leaning against the opposite wall, putting some distance between them so he could cool off. "We start voir dire in the morning for the Cahill trial. If we get a jury, we'll start tomorrow afternoon, so I'll probably be working late prepping my opening statement."

He'd managed to get the grand jury to return with a rape indictment for Zach Cahill and he was looking forward to finally making him pay for what he did to Melanie.

"You've had that opening statement ready for over a week."

"I know, but I need to go over it again. That middle section is bugging me."

"You'll get it." She assured him. "You always do."

He smiled, grateful for her encouragement. "I'm doing witness prep with Melanie after court tomorrow if you'd like to be there."

"I will if I can. It depends on what we find on Ferguson's laptop. I might have to be here."

He shook his head. "How are you finding anything on Ferguson's laptop without a warrant?"

"You told me you were going to get it for me."

"What are you talking about?"

"'You can have whatever you want.'" She did her best imitation of his breathless growl from just a short time earlier.

"Okay, first of all, I don't sound like that." He pushed off the wall and placed his hands on the back of one of her visitors' chairs. "And second of all, you cannot use things I say in the throes of passion against me."

"I need that warrant."

He shrugged. "Get me some probable cause and I'll get it for you."

She fixed him with a glare and he knew it would make her mad if he told her how adorable he found it. She stood, walked over to the door and flung it open. "Carisi!"

"Yeah, Lieu?"

"Apparently what we have on Ferguson isn't enough for our esteemed ADA to get us a warrant." She ignored the annoyed look that Barba shot her and continued. "Can you do some more digging?"

"On it." Carisi had to fight the urge to smile.

"Laying it on a little thick, aren't you?" Rafael muttered so only she could hear as he walked by her and out into the squad room.

She just gave a small shrug. "Always a pleasure, counselor."

He caught the double meaning in her words, but didn't want to give her the satisfaction of acknowledging it so he just threw a wave over his shoulder and continued on his way out of the squad room.

"Okay, you may be right." Fin leaned over to whisper to Amanda.

Her only response was a smug grin.

* * *

Rafael sat in the front row of the jury box in the empty courtroom, feet propped up on the rail, as he waited for Melanie to arrive for her prep. His ever-present legal pad rested on his thighs as he scribbled some words and then crossed them out.

Voir dire had taken most of the day, so the judge delayed opening statements until the next day. This gave him yet another night to pick apart his statement. These cases were always tricky. Zach hadn't actually been present for the crime, nor did he instruct or persuade anyone to rape Melanie. It was simply a byproduct of his reckless actions. It was critical to get the jury to understand and be on his side from the very beginning.

He'd just ripped the top sheet from his pad and balled it up when the door opened and Melanie peeked into the room like she wasn't sure if she was in the right place. She looked relieved when she spotted Barba and walked into the room.

"Hi, Ms. Tullis. Thank you for coming." Rafael dropped his feet and climbed down out of the jury box to meet her. "Should we wait on Ms. Jacobson before getting started?"

Melanie shook her head. "Teri had to meet with another client, but I'm fine to do this on my own."

And she actually seemed it, Barba thought, giving her a once over. He'd met with her a couple of times these last few weeks and she seemed to be doing better than she had been. The bags under her eyes were still there, but they were less prominent and the heavy weight that had been almost physically apparent on her shoulders seemed a bit lighter.

It wasn't the first time he'd seen the beginning of a trial, the beginning of the opportunity to fight back and put their assailant away, help a victim begin to heal.

"Okay, well, this will be pretty similar to what we went over in my office. I just wanted you to be here, to feel what it will actually be like tomorrow. Go ahead and take a seat." He nodded toward the witness box as his phone buzzed. It was a text from Olivia.

_Got Ferguson in the box. Can't make it. Tell Melanie I'm sorry. xx_

Carisi had come through and found a corroborating witness, so Rafael had spent his lunch hour that day getting Liv her warrant. He'd made it clear that she owed him and he would be collecting in the near future.

"Lieutenant Benson sends her apologies." He put his phone in the breast pocket of his dark suit. "She wanted to be here, but a case pulled her away."

"It's okay. She's done so much to help me already, I don't want to take her away from helping somebody else."

He'd worked with so many victims over the years, but he had to admit that Melanie impressed him. Even in the face of what had happened she was kind, strong, and caring. She in no way deserved what had happened to her and he was going to fight as hard as he could to make sure that Cahill paid for it.

"Alright, let's get started…"

They went through her testimony three times and he did his best to prepare her for the kinds of questions that Arlene Heller might ask. Her answers were emotional at times, but clear and concise. When he was convinced that she was ready he told her she could step down.

"Just remember, I'll be here the whole time. I've got your back and I'll do my best to keep the defense in check, but if things get overwhelming just take a deep breath and look at me. Okay?"

Melanie nodded, picking her purse up off of the prosecution table. "Thank you, Mr. Barba."

"Do you want me to have someone drive you home?"

"No, thank you. I'll be fine."

"Okay. Get a good night's sleep and I'll see you here tomorrow." He instructed.

"See you tomorrow." She confirmed before walking out of the courtroom.

Rafael checked his phone and didn't have any messages from Liv which meant they were still going at Ferguson, so he decided to head back to his office.

Once there he poured a cup of coffee and stripped off his jacket, rolling up the sleeves of his checked shirt before settling at his desk for a long night. In addition to the Cahill trial he had a college rape case set to go to trial in the coming weeks and SVU had two that were currently active that he needed to keep abreast of. It was a lot to have on his plate, but he loved the work and wouldn't trade it for anything.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been working, it had to have been hours, when his cell phone vibrated on his desk. The screen showed that it was an unknown number. "Hello?"

"Mr. Barba?"

"Melanie?" Her voice was shaky and sounded far away. He looked at his watch. It was almost midnight. "Melanie? Is something wrong?" He asked when there was no response on the other end.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Barba. I don't think I'll be able to testify tomorrow after all."

"Melanie? Are you okay? Melanie?" It was pointless as he heard the telltale three beeps signaling that the call had dropped.

This was more than nerves on her part. He could feel it in his gut. He quickly dug through the mountain of files and paperwork on his desk until he found what he was looking for. Flipping through the file on Melanie's case he finally found her address. Making a mental note of it he grabbed his phone and ran out of his office, praying like hell that his gut was wrong.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Discussion of suicide

Olivia took the stairs up to the 5th floor walk-up two at a time, ignoring the burning in her lungs. She flashed her badge at the officers standing in the open doorway of the apartment and her heart broke when she stepped inside. It was all the normal chaos of a crime scene, CSU was collecting evidence and unis milled about, but she wasn't paying attention to any of that. Instead she immediately focused on the man in the center of the room.

Rafael was sitting on the couch staring at the floor, his forearms were resting on his knees and he held his hands palms up as if he was trying not to touch anything. His hands were covered in red streaks of blood as was the front of his checked shirt, even his blue tie had flecks of red.

"Liv, I tried…" He said weakly when he saw her. "I tried to…but I was too late."

The pain in his eyes and in his voice was almost enough to do her in. She crossed the room toward him, but was stopped by a detective she'd never met before. "You Lieutenant Benson?"

"Yes."

"Detective Gordon. He wouldn't talk until you got here." He nodded toward Rafael.

"Is he in trouble?" She asked.

"Don't think so." He shook his head. "It's a pretty apparent suicide. She was one of yours?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes, she was…" She said sadly.

"Sorry." The detective said gruffly. "We just need a statement from Mr. Barba and to take rule out prints, etcetera."

She nodded and stepped over to Rafael, putting a hand on his shoulder, just the act of physically connecting to him helping to calm her. She wished she could wrap her arms around him and pull him to her, but this wasn't the place. "Rafael, are you okay?"

"I tried to help her, Liv." His voice broke.

"I know you did. You did everything that you could. CSU needs to process you. Are you up for that?"

"Okay." He agreed.

Olivia nodded at the CSU techs that were waiting nearby.

"Mr. Barba, I just need to take some pictures." A pretty brunette with a camera said gently. She took what seemed like hundreds of photos of his hands, arms, and clothes before she finished.

Another tech stepped forward, informing him that they needed to collect his shirt as evidence. Olivia turned toward the hallway, deciding that she didn't want the first time she saw him shirtless to be under these circumstances. It felt wrong.

She made her way down the hallway to the bathroom. The assistant ME was waiting just outside and Olivia nodded her greeting. Inside another CSU tech with a camera was still taking pictures of the scene, but Olivia stepped in anyway.

"Oh, Melanie." It took everything in her not cry. It wasn't the first time she'd lost a victim and it wouldn't be the last, but it never made it less difficult to take.

The pretty blonde was on the floor in her underwear and bra, jagged slits on both of her wrists. The bathtub was half full of water that was now a deep shade of crimson from the blood that had flowed from her wounds. Some of the water had splashed on other surfaces, presumably from when Rafael pulled her from the tub. A once white towel that was now mostly red with blood lay near her body.

She shook her head, having seen enough, and walked back out to the living room.

"I'm an ADA, my prints are on file." Rafael snapped as he zipped up an NYPD hoodie. It looked like they'd given him something to clean his hands, but they still had a red tint to them. He'd clearly had his fill of being prodded.

Olivia stepped forward. "Like he said, his prints are on file, so if you don't need anything else."

"Thank you." Rafael told her once the techs had walked away. "I just want to go home."

"Hold on." She walked over and talked to the detective for a minute before returning to Rafael. "Let's go. I told Detective Gordon I'd take you home and get your statement."

As they were heading out the door Rollins rushed in. "Liv, what happened?"

"Go ahead downstairs." She told Barba. "My car is out front."

He nodded before following her instructions.

"Melanie committed suicide." Olivia turned back to Rollins.

"No." Amanda's hand went to her forehead. "Dammit."

"I don't know exactly what Barba was doing here." Olivia continued. "I'm guessing she called him, but he's pretty messed up over it. I'm going to take him home and get his statement. I need you to stay here and keep an eye on things. I don't want this coming back on him at all."

Amanda nodded. "Understood. Fin is on his way too."

"Good." Olivia touched her shoulder. "Thanks, Rollins."

She hurried down the stairs and out of the building. When she reached her car Rafael was in the passenger sheet, head resting against the window with his eyes closed. She was pretty sure he wasn't sleeping, but she slipped behind the wheel wordlessly before starting the car and driving toward his apartment.

She was thankful that Lucy already had Noah for the night since she'd been stuck at the precinct until late. She wasn't sure how long it would take to get Rafael in a mental state where she felt comfortable leaving him.

Neither of them spoke the entire trip, which made the drive seem to take longer than it should, but finally she found street parking close to his door. It was an illegal spot, but thanks to her NYPD plates she knew the car would still be there, ticket free, when she came back to it.

Liv nodded at Frank as he held the door open for them. The doorman looked concerned, but didn't say anything and Olivia was grateful for that.

Once they were inside his apartment they just stood in the entryway, not sure what to do.

Finally, Rafael spoke. "I'm gonna…" He gestured to the clothes he was wearing and she nodded.

"Okay."

He disappeared down the hallway and she made her way to the kitchen in search of water. She opened the refrigerator and shook her head with a small laugh. It held some bottled water, a bottle of white wine, and that was about it. It looked much like her fridge had before Noah came along. She grabbed two bottles of water, cracking one open for herself as she heard the shower turn on.

While she waited she leaned against the counter, texting Rollins for updates.

It wasn't long before the shower turned off and a few minutes later he emerged wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a Harvard t-shirt that had seen better days. He was rubbing a towel over his hair, but that didn't stop some droplets from escaping and running rivulets down his cheek and neck.

She told herself that this was completely the wrong time to find him utterly irresistible, but that didn't stop the desire that burned within her.

She handed him the second bottle of water and he took it with his free hand.

"Are you up to telling me what happened? Officially." She made clear.

"As I'll ever be, I guess." He popped back down the hallway to discard his towel in the bathroom hamper before rejoining her in the kitchen. "Can we?" He gestured toward the living room and she nodded, following him into the room.

They sat on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other. She placed her phone between them. "I'm going to record this so I can type it up tomorrow. Is that okay?"

He nodded.

She pressed the record button. "Okay, tell me what happened tonight."

She watched him steel himself and sit up straight. He cleared his throat and spoke in the clear and concise manner that he always used when working, the ADA replacing the scared, vulnerable man he'd been in Melanie's apartment. "I was working late and Melanie called me. She said that she wasn't going to be able to testify tomorrow after all. I asked if something was wrong, but she'd already hung up. Something didn't feel right and her address is in the case file, so I rushed over there. There was just something about the tone in her voice…"

He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. "When I got there the door was unlocked. I found her…found her in the bathtub. There was blood everywhere, but I felt the faintest pulse. I pulled her out of the tub and tried to stop the bleeding. I called for a bus, but by the time they got there it was too late. She was gone."

He looked at her with pained eyes. She knew that scenes like he'd witnessed had been a part of her life for years, but he'd probably never had to deal with such a thing before. She knew how hard it could be.

"I was just with her this evening, prepping for tomorrow. She seemed fine, upbeat even." His brow furrowed. "Was she pink clouding and I missed it? Could I have…"

She reached down and ended the recording on her phone. This didn't need to be a part of the official record.

Setting the phone aside she scooted over until she was next to him, official business done for now. She put an arm around him and he leaned into her, putting his head on her chest. The steady beat of her heart helped center him.

"You didn't do anything wrong." She told him, running a hand over his damp hair. "Sometimes we just don't see it coming. You did everything you could."

He leaned back so he could look at her. "I don't know how you do this. I always come in after the fact. I mean it's still hard, but it's nothing like…She was alive when I got there, Liv. Alive, heart beating, but I couldn't…I couldn't…"

She put her hands on either side of his face. "I saw the amount of blood she'd lost. There was no way she was coming back from that." She tried to go with facts since simple comfort didn't seem to be working. He usually did better with facts.

He nodded, knowing that what she said was true, even if it didn't do much to make him feel better.

She leaned in and put her forehead on his. "I'm so sorry that this happened."

He looked into her eyes for a moment before tilting his head up and capturing her lips with his. His kisses were slow and tender at first, but then they grew in urgency as his desperation to put the events of the night out of his mind grew.

She knew this was what he needed, a distraction from the thoughts running through his head, and she gave it to him. Returning his kisses with just a much fervor, running her hands up through his hair, laying back on the couch so that they were more comfortable.

Her movement broke through the fog in his head and he stopped, standing up and holding out his hand to her. Even under the circumstances he wasn't going to let their first time together be on his couch.

She stared at his hand for a moment. This had gone from something that was happening in the heat of the moment to something deliberate. Was this a step they were ready to take? Finally, she met his eyes and in them she saw the answer. She took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the bedroom.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first foray into smut and it is Not Good. I cringe just at the thought of it. So please forgive me.

It was the first time she'd been in his bedroom and it was warm and masculine just like the rest of his apartment. They stood by the bed and now he seemed hesitant. All of the urgency from moments ago was gone. His eyes were dark, emotion swimming in them, and she wanted to do whatever she could to make him feel better.

"Are you sure this is how-I mean with everything tonight?"

"I am here for you in whatever way you need me." She assured him.

She kicked off her boots so that they were eye to eye, before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in to her. She kissed his neck, working her way up to nibble on his ear before kissing along his jaw and finally capturing his lips.

That was all the motivation he needed. His hands tangled in her hair as he moved her backwards, pushing her gently onto the bed.

They moved slowly, kissing and touching every inch of skin they revealed with each item of clothing that was discarded. Finally, when he was down to his boxer briefs and she was left in her bra and panties, he hovered over her, taking in the beautiful sight of her body.

As he looked at her she began to feel self-conscious, moving her hands to try to cover the scars that William Lewis had left her with, but he put a hand on hers, moving it to the side before leaning down to kiss one scar, and then another, until he'd gotten them all.

"You are beautiful, mi guerrera." He murmured, kissing the last scar on her lower abdomen before kissing his way up her stomach and undoing the front clasp of her bra. He placed his lips on one breast and then the other, taking his time to swirl his tongue over each nipple.

He continued working his mouth over her breasts as he ran a hand up her thigh to rub her through the fabric of her underwear. She moaned at his touch, hips bucking slightly off the bed. He laughed lightly at her urgency, his warm breath ghosting over her nipple.

By the time he slipped a finger underneath the fabric she was slick and ready for him. His cock throbbed as he imagined those wet folds around him, but he wanted to please her first. He ran the tip of his finger over her clit before slipping it, and then another, into her center.

She'd watched those long, nimble fingers button his suits hundreds of times and she'd known just from looking what they'd be capable of in a situation such as this. She felt vindicated to know that she'd been right as they sent waves of pleasure through her.

She whimpered when he pulled his hand away and began to kiss his way down her torso. When he reached her panties he slid them down her long smooth legs and tossed them to the floor. When she was finally completely nude beneath him it hit him again how gorgeous she was.

He picked up where he left off, kissing every inch of her before finally parting her folds with his hands and putting his tongue where his fingers had been moments before. Olivia gasped and dug her fingers into his hair as his tongue worked its magic.

Her breathing quickened and she abandoned his hair, balling the comforter in her fists and lifting her hips up off the bed to meet his tongue as she came. Rafael lapped up her juices before sitting up with a grin. He reached over and pulled a condom out of the bedside table drawer. He pulled off his underwear and tossed it to the side, his rock-hard prick finally free. It throbbed in need of release, but the look of satisfaction on her face made it worth the wait.

He rolled the condom on before settling over her, his hands on either side of her head. "Are you sure?" His eyes searched hers and he saw his own desire reflected back at him.

"Yes. Please…" She said breathlessly, raising her hips, urging him to continue.

He didn't need any more encouragement. He slid into her slowly, relishing the feeling as her warmth enveloped him.

"Raf." The word came out as a sigh on her lips as he began to move in long, smooth strokes. It was possibly the greatest sound he had ever heard.

As he moved inside her he couldn't keep his lips off of her, kissing her neck, her chest, nipping at her collar bone. Finally, his lips found hers and their tongues danced as he picked up the pace. Feeling herself nearing her release she wrapped her legs around him and he moaned when the change of angle allowed him to dive even deeper into her.

She gripped his back, enjoying the feel of the strong muscles that he kept hidden in those well-tailored suits. She raked her nails over his skin and that was all it took to do him in. He cried out as he came, sending her over the edge with him.

He collapsed on top of her, breathing heavy. "I'll move as soon as I have control of my limbs again."

She laughed, perfectly content to stay exactly as they were. "Take your time."

A while later, after they had both cleaned up, they lay under his sheets, her head on his chest and his arm around her. He'd slipped on a pair of boxer briefs and she only wore one of his t-shirts.

He kissed the top of her head. "Who are you really, and what were you before? What did you do and what did you think?" She looked up at him with a confused expression. "Casablanca?"

"I've never seen it." Olivia confessed.

"You've never seen…are you serious? It's Casablanca." He was appalled.

"I don't really have a lot of free time, in case you haven't noticed."

Rafael shook his head. "But, it's a classic. Perhaps  _the_  classic. If it wasn't four in the morning I'd make you watch it right now."

"Well, you'll just have to show it to me some other time." Olivia said sleepily, resting her head back in its spot on his chest, snuggling into him.

"It's a date." He promised, kissing the top of her head and closing his eyes.

* * *

Just a few short hours later Olivia awoke to find that she was alone in his bed. She was about to get up and follow the smell of coffee when he walked into the room, expertly working a blue plaid tie (one of her favorites) into a perfect half Windsor knot.

"You're awake." He leaned down to kiss her once he'd finished the tie.

"You're dressed." She countered.

"I have to get down to the courthouse."

Olivia sat up, leaning back against the headboard. "Shouldn't you at least take the day? After what you went through last night, I'm sure the DA would understand."

He shook his head. "I have to go talk to Judge Barth, we're supposed to have opening statements in two hours. I need to get a continuance. Melanie…Melanie was going to be my first witness."

He slipped on a light gray jacket that held the faintest hint of a pinstripe. "There's coffee in the kitchen. There's not much by way of food, but help yourself to anything, use the shower, make yourself at home. I'll call you after I talk to the judge." He leaned down to give her another quick kiss.

She put her hand on his arm to stop him as he pulled away. "Rafael? Are you sure you're okay?"

He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "No, but having you here helps. Last night was incredible and waking up next to you this morning, wearing only that." He gestured to his t-shirt that she still wore. "Was something I'd only dreamt of. But," he continued, squeezing her hand. "I need to work. I can't let her down, not again."

Olivia of all people understood this completely, so she'd let him go without any more resistance. She was still worried about him, but all she could do was support him and be there for him when he needed it. "Good luck with the judge." She squeezed his hand back and offered him a supportive smile.

* * *

It took Olivia nearly two hours to get home, shower and change, and then make it in to the office. By then Rafael had called to let her know that the judge had issued a 48-hour continuance due to the extenuating circumstances. She wanted to urge him to take the rest of the day off, but before she could he told her that Cahill's counsel was already filing a motion to have the charges dismissed. There was no way he'd rest with that happening.

"How's Barba?" Fin asked as soon as she walked into the squad room.

"He's holding it together. Any news?"

"Prelim from the ME says it's suicide. As long as forensics match Barba's version of events, it should all be squared away." Rollins told her. "Speaking of, a Detective Gordon called. He said you owe him Barba's statement."

"I'm about to type it up right now. If he calls again tell him he'll have it by lunch."

She listened to the recording all the way through a couple of times as she typed it up. Even though he did his best to cover it she could still hear the strain in Rafael's voice and it broke her heart all over again. But then her mind would wander to what happened after she'd turned off the recording and she felt herself flush at the memory.

Now that they'd taken that final step they would have to start seriously considering disclosing their relationship to their bosses. She just hoped that Dodds had really meant it when he told her that he had her back covered no matter what.

She'd just sent the report off to Detective Gordon when Rollins knocked on her doorframe. "Lieutenant, Teri Jacobson is here."

"You can send her in, thanks." Olivia took a deep breath, knowing that this was going to be a difficult conversation.

The woman who walked into her office looked so different from the Teri that Olivia was used to that she had to do a double take. She wore jeans and a simple short sleeved blouse, her normally perfectly styled hair was pulled up into a ponytail, and her eyes were red behind her black frames.

Olivia stood. "Teri, I'm so sorry about Melanie. Please have a seat."

"Thank you." As the lawyer sat, Olivia retook her seat behind her desk.

"What can I do for you?" Olivia asked in a gentle tone.

"I needed to show you something. When the news broke about Melanie, her boss contacted me and forwarded me this." Teri held out her phone.

Olivia's eyes widened as she took the phone. On the screen was an email with a subject line that read, "The truth about Melanie Tullis." The body of the email consisted of the nude photos of Melanie, the real ones as well as several photoshopped ones.

"This was sent out last night to her entire office as well as several of her friends and family members." Teri explained angrily. "I have my people tracing down the email address, but I know it was Zach that did this. He knew this was the one thing that would break her."

"So this is why she…" Olivia trailed off.

"Yes." Teri's response was firm. "I just thought that you should know, that maybe it would help the case against Zach. And that maybe it would help you to know why."

"Thank you for coming down and bringing this to my attention. I'll have my team look into it."

Teri stood to leave, but paused. "I understand that ADA Barba was there. That he…tried to help her."

Olivia nodded. "Yes, he did."

"Will you please thank him for me?"

"Of course."

When the lawyer was gone Olivia sat back in her chair, letting out a breath and scrubbing her hands over her face. She gave herself a few moments to feel the grief and sadness that washed over her and then shook it off. She had a job to do. "Rollins!"

* * *

Rafael paused for a moment outside of the main door to his office, taking a deep breath. His meeting with the judge had ended over ninety minutes ago, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to go straight to the office. Instead he'd called Liv and then just aimlessly wandered, trying to regain his focus. When that didn't work he decided that he just needed to suck it up and go get to work.

When he stepped through the door Carmen jumped to her feet. "Is everything okay, Mr. Barba? The door was unlocked and the lights were on when I arrived this morning."

"Yes, everything is fine. I just had to leave in a hurry last night. I'm sorry to have worried you." He knew that she probably deserved an explanation. If it weren't for Carmen his entire professional life would probably fall apart. But he just didn't feel up to saying the words aloud, not again. "Is there coffee?"

"I just made a fresh pot."

"Thank you, Carmen." He said genuinely before walking into his office and closing the door. He stopped when he saw the state the room was in. Files were haphazardly tossed all over his desk from where he'd dug through them looking for Melanie's address. A half empty coffee mug sat on the corner of the desk and the suit jacket he'd worn yesterday was still tossed over the back of his chair, everything as it had been when he'd run out of the room the night before.

He stood perfectly still for a moment, staring at the desk, then in one swift motion he swiped all of the files off of the desk, sending papers flying. Then, for good measure, he flung the coffee mug, shattering it against the wall.

On the other side of his closed door Carmen calmly picked up her desk phone and dialed the number that she knew by heart. "Lieutenant, I think you should get down here."


	16. Chapter 16

"Rafael?" Olivia tapped lightly on his door as she pushed it open. The first thing she saw were the papers and files that were scattered all over the room. Jagged pieces of what had once been a ceramic mug lay on the floor near the far wall, and a brown stain which she assumed to be coffee ran its way down the wall.

"Over here."

He was sitting on the floor on the other side of the coffee table, legs outstretched in front of him, head leaning back on his couch.

"What are you doing?" She closed the door behind her before walking over to sit next to him on the floor, leaning her back against the couch. "Are you okay?"

"I just…I walked in here and I heard it all over again. 'I'm sorry, Mr. Barba. I don't think I'll be able to testify tomorrow after all.'" He rolled his head to look at her. "I just keep going over and over our prep. Trying to figure out if I pushed her too hard, if there was some sign that I missed."

Olivia hated that he in any way blamed himself for what happened. "This is not your fault. I was actually about to…"

"I was the last one to see her before it happened." He cut her off. "Shouldn't I have seen it? I've prepped so many witnesses and I was actually impressed with how well she was doing. Why didn't I…"

"Rafael, stop."

His mouth snapped closed, mostly due to surprise at her forcefulness than the actual order.

"I was actually about to call you when Carmen called me." She took his hand, threading her fingers through his. "Teri Jacobson came by my office. It turns out that Zach Cahill sent the nude photos of Melanie to pretty much everyone she knew last night, including everyone in her office. We think that's what pushed her over the edge."

Rafael's eyes furrowed. "So, the night before she was set to testify against him, he sent out the photos?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes."

He brought her hand up, kissing the back of it quickly. "We need to get in touch with Teri, Melanie's boss, anyone who got those photos. I'm going to need you as well."

"For what?"

He stood and then held out a hand to help her up off the floor. "The grand jury. I'm adding charges of witness intimidation and manslaughter."

"Manslaughter? Isn't that a stretch?" Olivia was thankful to see the fire back in his eyes, but was worried that he was swinging too far in the other direction.

Rafael shook his head. "He knew her, and he knew what sending those photos would do to her. That's intentionally causing a suicide."

She had to admit that she would find great joy in Zach Cahill going down for this, but she knew it would be a battle to get a jury to buy it, if it ever made it that far.

"I have to get to work on this. I want to convene the grand jury tomorrow so we can get the charges added before the trial starts." He started to clean up the files and papers that were all over the place. He needed to get his workspace in order. "Do you think you can get me proof that Zach sent the email by then?"

"Teri's team has a head start on tracing the e-mail. I'll see where they are." Olivia helped him pick up the papers. "So, you're leaving the rape charge? Is that possible without Melanie?"

"Unless the judge grants Heller's motion, I'm keeping it in. Even without Melanie's testimony, we have Dylan Larson's confession, Trent's testimony, and the MeetCute messages. I think I can get the jury to make the leap."

"Well, I'll let you get to work." Olivia said as they finished placing the papers and files into a haphazard stack on the corner of his desk. "I'm going to go over to Teri's office to check on the source of the e-mail."

He reached out and gently grabbed her hand as she started to leave, pulling her to him. With one hand on her hip and the other behind her neck, he kissed her tenderly. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything." He kissed her again, but when he pulled back he looked concerned. "Did you say that Carmen called you and asked you to come here?" With everything going on her earlier comment had taken awhile to get through.

She nodded. "She said that something was wrong and that I should get down here."

"Do you think she knows? About us?"

Olivia smiled. "Oh, one hundred percent."

Rafael laughed. "At least we know she's trustworthy."

Her phone buzzed and she checked the screen. "It's Teri. She says she has something. You'll be okay?"

He nodded. "I'm fine." He kissed her lips softly. "Go win another battle, mi guerrera." Rafael opened the door and stood back so she could walk through. "Thank you, Lieutenant." He said formally.

"Anytime, Counselor." A smile played on her lips. "See you later, Carmen."

"Bye, Lieutenant." Carmen fought back a smile of her own.

* * *

The next evening Rafael walked into Forlini's and found a stool toward the far end of the bar. By the time he'd hung his suit jacket over the back of the seat, a drink had been placed in front of him. He tipped the glass toward Anthony in thanks before taking a sip, closing his eyes as he savored the 20 year old scotch.

He was exhausted. He'd spent the entire day yesterday prepping witnesses for today's grand jury, and he'd been up the better part of the night preparing himself. Thanks mostly to Teri's team and the SVU squad they'd been able to prove that Zach sent the email with the nude photos of Melanie. They'd determine that the email had been sent from a computer at the New York public library just before closing. A terminal that security footage showed Zach Cahill using at the exact time the email had been sent. He'd even gotten lucky in that Teri had spoken with Melanie immediately following their prep, so she could testify to her state of mind before the photos went out.

With the email evidence and the testimony of several witnesses, he'd gotten his indictments. Not that he'd gotten to celebrate since he'd immediately been summoned to the DA's office.

The door to the bar opened and he felt his heart stutter when he saw Olivia walking toward him. She'd taken off her blazer in the summer heat, so her arms were bare, and her hair had been pulled back since he'd seen her during her testimony earlier that day. He didn't think he'd ever get over how beautiful she was.

"Hey." She started to lean in to kiss him, but thought better of it. They were on work turf. "How'd it go?" When she'd received his text asking her to meet him she wasn't sure if the drink was celebratory or consolatory.

She sat down next to him and nodded her thanks to Anthony as he sat a glass of cabernet in front of her.

"We got the indictments. Witness intimidation and man two." He said with zero enthusiasm.

"Then why do you sound pissed?"

"Because as soon as the indictments came down I got called into the DA's office."

"What about?"

"My ability to objectively try this case. Apparently this one is personal for me." He chuckled humorlessly.

"Did he pull you?" Olivia's concern was two-fold. Rafael was the best at what he did and he was their best chance at making Cahill pay. She was also worried about what it would do to him mentally and emotionally if he was pulled off the case. Being able to go after Cahill for Melanie's death was what was keeping him together.

"He wanted to." Rafael sighed and took a sip of his drink. "It took quite a bit of convincing and sweet talking, but he agreed to let me stay on for now."

"For now? What does that mean?"

"Let's just say that every move I make for the duration of this case will be under scrutiny. One misstep and I have to recuse myself and I could face further disciplinary action."

"Raf, I'm sorry." She put her hand on his.

"It's okay." He turned his hand over and laced his fingers through hers, rubbing his thumb slowly over her hand. "It could have been worse. We just have to make sure every step moving forward is by the book."

The front door of the bar opened again and he yanked his hand from hers. They both relaxed when a young couple they didn't recognize walked in.

"Maybe we should talk to Dodds and the DA now?" Olivia said, playing with the stem of her wine glass.

He shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh, okay, I just thought that…never mind." She felt embarrassed. They'd agreed to come forward once they decided the relationship meant something. Did she feel something he didn't? Was she more serious about him than he was her?

Rafael realized how his words came across and put his hand gently on her leg, out of sight just in case. "Hey," He waited until she looked up at him. "I am absolutely, completely all in on this, on us. That's not it."

Olivia's heart swelled at his words. "Then what is it?"

"It's too risky right now. I'm already on thin ice with the DA and I can't have anything casting a shadow over this case. We know that our relationship in no way compromised our work but Heller, and more importantly, the judge, may see it differently. We have to make sure Cahill gets put away. That has to be the priority."

She knew he was right. "Okay, but we have to be extra careful. If someone finds out before we have a chance to come forward it could end up being worse."

"Yes. No more fooling around at work or doing anything that could draw suspicion." He removed his hand from her leg, wrapping it around his glass instead.

They sat in silence for a moment, sipping their drinks, and then his eyes met hers in the mirror behind the bar. "So, your place?"

"God, yes." She said, finishing off her glass of wine.

They took separate cabs and Rafael sat in a coffee shop around the corner until Lucy had left for the evening. Olivia trusted her completely, but they didn't want to take any chances. She had just finished tucking Noah in when he buzzed up.

As soon as she closed the door his lips were on hers and they did their best to not make any noise as they stumbled toward her bedroom. This time was different, hurried and passionate. They wasted no time, tearing at each others' clothes. Even in the rush she was wet and ready for him when he slipped inside her.

Afterward, they lay under the covers facing each other, Rafael running his fingers lightly up and down her arm.

"I meant what I said before." He told her softly. "I'm all in. No matter what happens, this is it for me. I love you, Olivia. I'm pretty sure I have for a long time."

"I love you too, Rafael." She hadn't really thought about it, but she knew it was true. Over the years he had become so important to her and she couldn't imagine her life without him. And now, with this new phase of their relationship, she had never been happier.

A smile spread across his face at her words and he leaned in to kiss her softly. He ran a hand over her naked curves, pulling her to him. This time they took it slow, knowing that they had all the time in the world.


	17. Chapter 17

Olivia smiled at Frank as she stepped into Rafael's building the next evening. They'd finally gotten to the point where he'd let her up without calling Rafael so she went straight to the elevator. She hadn't seen him at all today and that was rare. Even before they started dating she usually saw him at least once in a day. He'd had the motion hearing regarding dropping the rape charge against Cahill, but luckily the judge had been on their side. He'd even gotten Zach's bail revoked since he violated the protection order. He'd then spent the rest of the day hard at work, prepping for the trial to begin.

She'd had quite the day herself. When she'd arrived at the office that morning Melanie's parents had been waiting for her. They'd flown in from Ohio to claim Melanie's body and stopped by to demand answers. Olivia assured them that they were doing everything they could to get their daughter justice.

One interesting thing that had come out of their visit was a copy of a message Melanie had sent them the night she'd taken her life. It simply read "I'm so sorry. I begged him not to do this." Olivia wasn't sure if it would help Rafael at all, but she promised to pass it along.

The day had gone downhill from there. They'd caught a case in which a father was raping his twelve year old daughter all with the mother's knowledge. Safe to say, it had not been a pleasant afternoon.

When Rafael opened the door at her knock he looked surprised to see her. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"I know we didn't have plans tonight." She said, stepping into the entryway. "But I figured you needed a distraction from your prep and I  _know_  I need to take my mind off of today. And look what I brought." She smiled proudly as she pulled a DVD of Casablanca out of her bag.

"I really appreciate this, Liv, but now is really not a good time." He kept his voice low, putting a hand on her arm and gently guiding her back toward the still open door.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Her tone was light, but the question was serious.

"Trust me it's for the best."

"Rafi! Who is at the door?" Rafael's mother, Lucia, came out of the kitchen and a knowing smile crossed her face when she saw Olivia. "Lieutenant Benson, how nice to see you again."

Olivia felt like a deer in the headlights. "You as well, Mrs. Barba."

"Please," The older woman waved a hand. "Call me Lucia."

"Um…Okay."

"Will you be joining us for dinner, Lieutenant?"

"No, Mami, Olivia was just dropping off something…for a case." Rafael jumped in.

"Is your suspect Humphrey Bogart?" Lucia looked pointedly at the DVD Olivia was holding. "Now, come in and close the door. Dinner is almost ready."

"I'm sorry." Rafael said in a hushed tone once his mother had returned to the kitchen. "She just dropped in unannounced. I would have told you she was here, but I thought you were stuck at the station and couldn't come over tonight."

"It's okay. We can do this." She squeezed his hand. "Right?"

He nodded, not looking at all confident. "Of course."

They both took a deep breath before walking into the kitchen together. Lucia had pots and pans on every burner and the scent that hit Olivia was heavenly.

"Sit, sit." Lucia instructed Olivia, gesturing to one of the stools at the island.

"It smells amazing, Mrs…Lucia." Olivia said, following her instructions and taking a seat.

"Well, I had to bribe my son with food in order for him to spend time with me. I haven't seen him very much lately." She glanced at Olivia before shooting a look at Rafael. "Ahora sé por qué."  _Now I know why._

Rafael, who was getting a third wine glass out of the cabinet, gave his mother a warning glance. "Ella habla espanol, Mami. No seas grosero."  _She speaks Spanish. Don't be rude._

Lucia looked sheepish. "Lo siento, Lieutenant."

Olivia waved it off. "It's fine. And it's Olivia, please."

Rafael gave her an apologetic look as he handed her a glass of wine, but she just shrugged.

"So,  _Olivia_ , what brings you by my son's apartment this evening?" Lucia asked, dishing food out onto three plates.

"I told you, Mami, she was…"

Lucia held up a hand to stop her son. "I know what you told me, but how about we go with the truth this time, huh?"

His mother had a knack for making him feel like he was one of her students who'd done something wrong and he hated it.

Olivia took a sip of her wine to hide her amused grin, but Rafael caught it and raised an eyebrow. "It's okay," was all she said.

"Fine." He huffed, picking up the plates and setting them on the island. "Mami, please sit."

They sat around the island, forks in hand, but no one ate. Lucia looked at them expectantly. "Okay, I've been sitting for five minutes and nothing."

"Olivia and I are…seeing each other."

"Oh, finally! I knew it!" Lucia clasped her hands together, but then her eyes narrowed. "For how long? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, it's new." Rafael explained. "And we're keeping it under wraps because things at work are…complicated."

"But that means you should hide it from your own mother? Like I'm somebody off the street? I'm not going to tell anyone."

"No, it's not that." Olivia jumped in to Rafael's relief. "We just wanted to make sure that it was something real before we said anything. We didn't want to make a big deal if it wasn't."

"So, is it?" Lucia looked at her hopefully.

Rafael looked at Olivia and smiled, taking her hand. "Yes, it is."

It was possibly the first time in his entire life that he'd heard his mother squeal.

"Now, Mami, you have to promise you won't say a word to anyone."

"Oh, come on, who am I going to tell?"

"Mami." He warned.

Lucia held up her hands. "Okay, okay. I promise. Now, tell me everything."

* * *

"Now, I want to meet that little boy of yours." Lucia was telling Olivia ninety minutes later. They were standing in the entryway and Rafael had been trying for five minutes to not so subtly get his mother out the door. "You bring him by for Sunday dinner sometime soon."

"Okay I will." Olivia promised.

"I'm happy for you mijo." Lucia kissed her son's cheek. "Call soon."

"I will." Rafael assured her. "Get home safe."

When she was gone, Rafael leaned against the closed door. "Finally."

Olivia laughed at his theatrics. "It wasn't that bad."

He pushed off the door and took her hand, kissing it. "I know. And you were wonderful. Not everyone can hold their own to Lucia Barba."

"Well, I knew all those years in an interrogation room were preparing me for something." She paused a moment. "You're really lucky, you know? To have your mother around, even if she drives you crazy."

"Yeah, I know." He knew more about Olivia's mother and her history than she probably realized. The halls of the precinct might as well have been a high school for all the gossip flowing among them. "But now, you have her too."

Olivia felt tears come to her eyes at his sweet words and did her best to fight them. For the first time she thought about the little family that they might become, the two of them, Noah, and Lucia. She was afraid to hope for it.

"No tears, mi guerrera." He used his thumb to wipe away one that escaped and ran down her cheek. "Why don't we skip the movie tonight so you can get home to Noah?"

Her love for him grew even more when he understood that was exactly what she needed right now.

"I will give you your classic film education eventually. I promise." He grinned.

"Can't wait." She put her hands on the sides of his face. "Good luck tomorrow. You'll do great."

Since Olivia was scheduled to testify she couldn't be in the courtroom until after her testimony. She hated that she wouldn't be able to be there for him, but she'd read his opening statement and she knew he was going to crush it.

"I hope you're right."

"I always am. Haven't you learned that by now?"

Rafael laughed and buried his hand in her hair, pulling her in to kiss him. "I love you." He whispered against her lips.

"I love you too, Raf."

Once she was gone, Rafael knew he should relax, go to bed early, and make sure he was rested up for the next day, but instead he found his briefcase and settled onto the couch, reading over his notes for tomorrow one more time.

* * *

"Okay, Chief." Olivia was saying into her phone when Rafael walked into her office the next afternoon. He looked distressed, slumping onto her couch, so she did her best to get Dodds off the phone quickly. "I understand sir, we'll be discreet. Okay. Okay. You too, sir."

"Problems at 1PP?" Rafael asked.

"Turns out the dad we arrested yesterday for raping his daughter works for the city. They're just covering their asses per usual."

"What a surprise." He scoffed.

"So, what's wrong?" She asked. "Did it not go well today?"

"Oh, no, it went quite well actually. I think it was a good choice to call Teri first. She was able to lay out the entire timeline of events. It was a great continuation of my opening statement. And now each witness I call will be able to fill in more details each step along the way."

"So, what's the problem?"

"After the judge called recess for the day, Heller gave me their updated witness list."

"Who's on it?" It must have been someone bad to have him this worked up.

"Me."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I try to keep the legal stuff as accurate as possible, but Arlene adding Rafael to the witness list was just something random I came up with. I tried to do some research on it, but there wasn't really much to find so I took some artistic license.

"You?" Olivia didn't believe it. How could the defense call the prosecuting attorney as a witness? "Is that even done?"

Rafael shrugged. "Not that I've ever heard of, but I'll be spending my evening trying to find out."

"So," she sat back in her chair. "You might get to cross examine yourself after all."

"This isn't funny, Liv." He said although the faintest of smiles betrayed his words.

"Sorry." She adopted a serious expression.

"This could really screw us." He told her, all humor gone. "This is exactly the kind of thing the DA could use as a reason to pull me from the case."

"You don't really think the judge is going to go for this do you?" Olivia understood his worry, but there was no way this was actually going to happen. "It's clearly a stunt."

"Yes, but it wouldn't be the first time a judge made a ruling out of left field."

She knew he was right about that. "It will all work out. Barth is one of the good ones, she'll see through this." She told him even though she wasn't so sure now.

"I hope you're right."

"Didn't we just go over this?" She asked with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah, you always are." He waved it off as he stood. "Well, I better start digging for precedent, or lack thereof, to get me out of this mess."

"Good luck." Her phone buzzed on her desk and she looked at the screen. "Oh hey, here's some good news. You've been cleared of any wrongdoing in Melanie's death."

"Well, thank God for that." He rolled his eyes, then lowered his voice. "I love you."

"Love you too." She responded with a smile.

* * *

"Your honor, this is completely unprecedented in New York state, or anywhere for that matter. It is completely unorthodox." Rafael argued in Judge Barth's chambers the next morning.

"He found the body, your honor, or more precisely, he was with her when she took her last breaths." Arlene Heller argued. "And we intend to offer him as an alternative suspect in the victim's death."

"Are you kidding me?" Rafael looked at Arlene with incredulity before turning back to the judge. "Your honor, the victim's death was ruled a suicide by the ME…"

"Who works for you." Arlene interjected.

"Watch it, counselor." Judge Barth warned.

"Ruled a suicide by the ME," Rafael continued. "It is completely preposterous to insinuate to a jury that I had any hand in that."

"No more preposterous than insinuating that my client did." Arlene argued.

"I agree that it is setting a dangerous precedent to allow the ADA who is prosecuting the case be called as a witness for the defense, and even more dangerous to offer him as an alternative suspect." Rafael felt himself relax a little, but it didn't last long. "But, I don't see why the jury can't hear full details of what happened that night. Mr. Barba, I take it you gave an official statement to police?"

"Yes, your honor." He answered through nearly clenched teeth. "Lieutenant Benson took my statement."

"Great." Judge Barth glanced down at a sheet of paper on her desk. "And she's already on your witness list. Your statement to police will be entered into evidence and Lieutenant Benson can testify as to its contents."

"Your honor, I don't see how…"

"Mr. Barba," the judge interrupted. "We can get into a discussion about the ethical gray area of you trying a murder case in which you're the one who found the victim,  _or_  you can allow Lieutenant Benson to testify as to what happened that night. Your choice."

When Rafael didn't respond the judge sat back in her chair. "That's what I thought. Court will resume in thirty minutes."

After leaving the judge's chambers Rafael ducked into a small conference room, pulling his tie loose so he could breathe easier. This was bad. He shot off a quick text to Olivia, telling her the short version and promising to call as soon as they got a break.

The only blessing was that Olivia wouldn't be testifying until the following day so they still had time to do some prep. She was going to have to walk a fine line and it was important that they be prepared for anything.

He took a few moments to allow himself to freak out before tightening his tie and stepping calmly out into the hall. He was putting Trent on the stand in a few minutes and he needed to be completely focused. He'd worry about the rest later.

* * *

"Lieutenant Benson," Rafael leaned against the prosecution table, ankles crossed, addressing Olivia, who sat in the witness box. It was easier these days to keep some distance between them when they weren't in the privacy of one of their homes.

They were in an empty courtroom going over Olivia's prep. They'd already gone through all of his questions and now he was throwing her possible questions that the defense might ask. "Are you in the habit of taking witnesses, and possible suspects, home from a crime scene and sitting in their living room while taking their statement?"

"Oh, come on." Olivia shook her head. "She is not going to ask me that. And if she did you'd object to her calling you a possible suspect."

"Liv," He closed half the distance between them before stopping himself. "You know Arlene. She's a bulldog. We have to be ready for absolutely anything she could throw at you."

"Okay, fine." She didn't seem convinced, but motioned for him to continue.

Rafael repeated the question.

"It happens." Olivia answered. "Sometimes if the witness is distraught, it helps to take them somewhere they're comfortable."

"I'd appreciate not being described as distraught in the court record. Not to mention that it makes me look weak to the jury."

She sighed and gave him an exasperated look. "I do sometimes. It can help make a witness more comfortable." She rephrased.

"Had you been to ADA Barba's home before that night?"

The exasperated look returned, but she answered. "A few times. We're friends as well as colleagues."

"Don't say we're friends, that's getting dangerously close to a lie."

"We aren't friends?" Olivia tilted her head.

He smiled despite his best efforts not to. "Of course we are, mi guerrera. I just don't want to put you in a bad position."

"Rafael, stop worrying. The judge will limit Heller's questions to the scope of your statement, not the circumstances in which it was taken. I'm not going to say anything that I shouldn't. I've done this a few times. I know what I'm doing."

He sighed and ran a hand over his striped tie to smooth it, a nervous habit, she knew, not that he'd ever admit to having any nervous habits. "I know. It's just the first time…"

He trailed off, but she knew what he meant. The first time he'd question her on the stand since their relationship had changed. She found it cute that it flustered him a little bit since very few things did.

"Let's keep going." She knew it was what he needed. All of the platitudes and assurances in the world wouldn't help him feel better, but she knew working through this and being as prepared as possible would. She'd sit here all night answering ridiculous questions if that's what it took to calm him.

* * *

"And how did the victim feel about the possibility of her family, her coworkers, seeing these private photos?" Rafael stood near the jury box as he questioned Olivia the next day. They'd been through the initial impersonation case, the rape, what led them to discover that Zach had instigated the attack, and now he wanted to hammer home the idea that Zach had caused Melanie's suicide.

It had felt a little strange at first, questioning her now that things were different between them, but after a bit that fell away and he settled into a comfortable rhythm.

"Objection. Speculation."

"The Lieutenant can testify to the content of conversations she took part in, your honor, but I'll rephrase." Rafael turned back to Olivia. "What did Melanie say to you regarding the possibility of those people in her life seeing these photos, finding out about her rape?"

"She said that she absolutely did not want anyone to find out. She didn't even tell her parents she had been raped." Olivia eyes involuntarily found Melanie's parents in the gallery and the pain in their eyes was almost too much to bear. "It seemed as if that mattered to her more than anything, that she couldn't take it if the people in her life found out."

"Your honor," Arlene barked. "The Lieutenant is a psychic now?"

"Sustained." Judge Barth commanded. "The jury will disregard the witness's last statement. Move it along, Mr. Barba."

Olivia saw Rafael tense and she knew what was coming next. He'd decided that it was best to bring up his involvement in the case instead of letting the defense do it.

"Now, Lieutenant Benson, I know this is a bit unorthodox, but unfortunately it's necessary." Rafael gave a pointed look at Arlene. "Who discovered Melanie's body on the night that she took her life."

"You did."

He caught the jury's look of surprise out of the corner of his eye and his jaw clenched. "And you took my statement, is that correct?"

"Yes."

Rafael crossed to the prosecution table and picked up a piece of paper that had been placed in a plastic sleeve, "People's exhibit fourteen, your honor, my official statement to police. Lieutenant Benson, can you please read this for the jury?"

Olivia read through the statement, slowly and precisely just like they'd practiced.

"And did the forensic evidence at the scene support that statement?"

"Yes, it did."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Nothing further." Rafael sank into his chair, unbuttoning his jacket as he did so. Olivia knew that his stress would only increase now that he didn't have complete control over the situation. They were both at the mercy of Arlene Heller's cross.

"Lieutenant, how would you describe ADA Barba's emotional state on the night of Ms. Tullis's death?"

"He was distra…rattled." Olivia amended when she remembered his comment from the night before. She hoped that "rattled" didn't make him seem weak to the jury. "Which was understandable due to the situation."

"Could he have been so rattled because he blamed himself for Ms. Tullis's suicide?" Arlene asked, standing near Rafael so the jury would look at him.

"Your honor," Rafael shot to his feet. "We've been over this."

"Yes, we have. Change your line of questioning, Ms. Heller." Judge Barth warned.

"You weren't the primary officer called to the scene, is that correct Lieutenant? In fact, it fell under the jurisdiction of a completely different precinct? Weren't you only called to the scene because the ADA refused to speak until you arrived?" Arlene continued before Olivia had a chance to answer.

"Objection, badgering."

"Let the witness answer, counselor." The judge ordered.

"It's correct that the call went into another precinct. I was called at ADA Barba's request. Melanie was a rape victim whose case we were working, he knew I'd want to know what happened to her." Olivia explained.

"Why were you the one to take his statement, and not the detective whose case it was?"

Olivia hated it when he was right, but she was going to thank Rafael later. If he hadn't badgered her with all of these ridiculous questions the night before she might not have been ready for them. "Mr. Barba was upset, I thought he might be more comfortable speaking to an officer he knew. I cleared it with Detective Gordon first."

Olivia didn't like the gleam that she saw appear in Arlene's eyes.

"Where did you take Mr. Barba's statement?"

"Objection, relevance." Rafael did his best to stay calm.

"Your honor, I intend to show that the NYPD and DA's office have been conspiring against my client since the beginning of this case."

Judge Barth thought a moment. "I'll allow it, but only to a point."

Arlene repeated the question.

"In his apartment." Olivia avoided looking at Barba.

"Is this common practice? Aren't statements usually taken at the scene or at the precinct?"

"Usually yes, but…"

"So, you were showing the ADA special treatment?" Heller interrupted.

"Sometimes it helps a witness to be more comfortable if they're in their own home." Olivia sidestepped the question, since she was pretty sure what had happened after he'd given his statement would be considered special treatment.

"So, you drove the ADA home, alone, sat in his apartment, alone, giving you both plenty of time to concoct a story that would align with the evidence."

"Objection." Barba jumped to his feet again.

"Sustained. Jury will disregard. Ms. Heller, move along."

* * *

"Jesus Christ." Barba slammed his briefcase on the table in the small courthouse conference room. He immediately began yanking at his tie.

"So that was worse than we expected." Olivia said, closing the door behind them.

"This is on me. I was so worried about her accidentally stumbling onto  _us_  that I didn't even see her conspiracy accusation coming."

"There's no way the jury is going to buy that."

"Are you kidding me? Do you know how many nut jobs think 'the man' is out to get them? Odds are there's at least one on the jury. And it's enough to give the sane ones reasonable doubt. The manslaughter charge is shaky as it is." He shook his head. "I was so worried about covering our asses, making sure no one found out about us, that I probably just lost the case."

"You still have Detective Gordon, the ME, the CSU tech, they'll all corroborate your version of events."

"That's all they are now in the minds of the jury. My version of events, not facts." He leaned on the table, glaring at its top. "We've been together a month and it's already compromising my ability to do my job."

"Excuse me?" Up until now she'd been trying to make him feel better, but now she was starting to get pissed.

"But, hey, once this case is over I probably won't even have a job, so we'll be free to be together. That will make things easier." He continued sarcastically, not even acknowledging that she'd spoken.

"Once this case is over you might not have me either."

Rafael didn't look up until he heard the door slam behind her, the glass rattling. He knew he should go after her, apologize, but instead he sank into a chair, burying his head in his hands.


	19. Chapter 19

Rafael paced back and forth in front of her building, trying to get up the courage to ring her buzzer. It'd been a few hours since she'd left him at the courthouse and once his initial anger and panic over what had happened in court wore off he realized what an idiot he was being.

Finally, he realized he needed to either ring the buzzer or leave before someone called the police on him for loitering like a creep. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the button for her apartment, the space for a name next to it blank. Even before William Lewis she didn't advertise where she lived, but now she took extra precautions.

"Who is it?"

"It's me."

Silence dragged on and he fully expected her to completely ignore him when, finally, the door buzzed, indicating that she'd disengaged the lock. He sighed with relief. That was a good sign.

"What do you want?" She asked, opening the door as he stepped off the elevator.

"To apologize." He stepped into her apartment and closed the door behind him. "Hey, amigo." He said to Noah, who was on the floor pushing a toy car around a rug made to look like a race track.

"Hola, Barba." Noah didn't look up from his toy. "Mommy is mad at you."

"Is that right?" Rafael looked at Olivia. "Getting the kid on your side, huh?"

She held up her hands. "Yeah because I'm going to dump that on a three-year-old. He's just very perceptive."

On that note Rafael gave Noah a glance, knowing they shouldn't do this in front of him. "Can we talk?"

Olivia nodded. "Noah, stay right here and play with your car, okay?"

Noah nodded, making car noises.

"Talk." Olivia said once they were in her bedroom, the door left open a crack so she could hear Noah.

"I am so sorry about what I said. I am an asshole."

She crossed her arms. "Go on."

He should have known she wasn't going to make it easy on him. "I've never been the best at relationships in general and I've never had to deal with the added pressures and stakes that come along with this one. It's going to take some getting used to." He ran a hand over the back of his neck. "Adding that to the pressure to win this case, it just became a little much. I don't mean that as an excuse, I shouldn't have said what I did. It's just that this…us…means so much to me and this case is so important and I just feel like I'm screwing them both up."

Olivia felt herself soften. She knew he still felt responsible for what happened to Melanie and had made it his mission to get her justice. That added to the scrutiny he was under was enough to make anyone break.

"You're not screwing up either. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. The case is good, and we're good, but you're right. It will take some getting used to. We're not going to get it right every time, but we'll find our balance. We just need to make sure we don't let work affect us or let us affect work."

"Deal." He felt the tension in his body dissipate at her forgiveness. "We're okay? Really?" It had taken them so long to finally get here, he couldn't bear it if he ruined things.

"Yes, we're fine." She assured him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and she put her head on his shoulder. They stood like that a moment, just holding each other.

"There for a minute I was really worried that Heller was going to ask what we did after I took your statement." Olivia said, breaking the silence, and she enjoyed the feel of his laughter rumbling in his chest.

"You and me both. I like the way you sidestepped the special treatment question by the way. Very crafty, Lieutenant."

She lifted her head from his shoulder and gave him a kiss. "Stick around and I'll show you plenty of special treatment later."

"Well, how can a guy turn down an offer like that?"

* * *

The next day was Saturday, and while he needed to spend the weekend preparing for his next witnesses, it had become their Saturday morning tradition to take Noah to the park together. He could give up a few hours of prep to spend time with his two favorite people.

They made their way through Central Park toward one of the many playgrounds, each of them holding one of Noah's hands as he walked between them.

It sometimes worried Olivia how quickly Rafael had become a part of their little family. They may still be going through an adjustment at work, but they had just seamlessly blended into one another's personal lives. Noah was already so attached to him and he would be devastated if Rafael suddenly wasn't around anymore. And, she could admit it, she would be as well.

She was doing her best not to think about it. She owed it to Rafael and herself to put faith in their relationship, even if all of her experiences up to this point made it hard to do so.

Noah was chattering on about getting ice cream after the park, an addition that his buddy Barba had added to their Saturday outings. Olivia always protested for effect, but she enjoyed that part just as much as the boys did.

Rafael cleared his throat and nodded his head at the path in front of them. "Liv."

Olivia's heart stopped when she saw Rollins and Carisi walking towards them. Amanda held Frannie's leash and Sonny had Jesse on his hip. Her first instinct was to try to avoid them by ducking down a different path, but it was too late. They'd been spotted.

"Rollins, Carisi." Rafael said nonchalantly when they reached each other.

Olivia was sure that the shock on the detectives' faces mirrored her own.

"Jesse!" Noah exclaimed before anyone could say anything else. "Mommy, can Jesse come play with us?"

"Oh, I don't know. They probably have other plans." Olivia said, giving Rollins a look, hoping she would jump in and back her up, but Amanda still seemed too shocked to speak.

"Please, please!" Noah begged.

"Yes, Noah. If Detective Rollins says it's okay." Rafael said, unable to upset the boy for his own selfish reasons. He ignored the wide-eyed look that Olivia gave him and turned to the detectives, waiting for an answer.

"Um…sure." Amanda found her voice. "Why not?"

"So, it's a plan." Carisi said, holding out his free hand to Noah. "Let's go little man."

Olivia couldn't believe it. They were all insane.

Luckily Noah had plenty to talk to Carisi and Jesse about as they walked, so the adults didn't have to try to make awkward small talk. Once at the playground Noah and Jesse jumped into the sandbox while Amanda and Sonny sat on a nearby bench and Olivia and Rafael sat on another a few feet away, sitting as far apart as the small space would allow.

"He's wearing jeans, Sonny, jeans!" Amanda said in a hushed tone. She'd been wholeheartedly rooting for Olivia and Barba, but seeing them together like this was still a little much to take.

"Did you think he only owned suits?" Sonny laughed. He found this entire situation completely amusing. He was happy for the Lieutenant and for Barba. They'd been dancing around each other for so long that he was glad they'd finally taken a step forward.

"Yes!" Amanda answered. 

"Even for sleeping?" His mouth was tilted up in an amused smile and she grimaced.

"Why would I want to picture him sleeping?" 

"This is so bad." Olivia said, trying to keep her face neutral as she kept her eyes on the kids.

"Not necessarily." Rafael told her.

"What are you talking about? We just said that we had to be more careful, that no one could find out until the trial was over. First your mother, now Rollins and Carisi."

"It will be fine," Rafael said confidently. 

"How can you be so sure of that?" 

"Your squad loves you and they want you to be happy. They aren't going to out you. Plus, Rollins and I give each other shit, but I don't think she wants to bring me any harm. And we both know Carisi worships the ground I walk on." 

Olivia shook her head, throwing in an eye roll for good measure. "Your ego is astounding."

"I'm just stating facts, Olivia." He said with a grin. "Besides, it's only through the end of the trial, another week at most. Then we'll come clean." He promised.

"You think we'll last another week without anyone else finding out?"

"We'll be more careful. It will be okay." He assured her again.

"If you say so." 

* * *

 

 

"So," Olivia said an hour later, once the kids had tired out. Rafael held Noah, who was already falling asleep on his shoulder. "We're going to walk away, and never speak of this."

"Agreed." Amanda and Sonny said at the same time and the group went their separate ways.

They'd been walking for a few minutes when Rafael started to chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"Amanda's face when she saw us." He shook his head, still laughing.

"I'm glad you find this so amusing." 

He reached down and quickly squeezed her hand. "It's all going to work out."

Olivia wanted to believe him. "Just one more week?"

He gave her a reassuring nod. "Just one more week."


	20. Chapter 20

That Tuesday afternoon Olivia walked through the squad room on her way to her office, but stopped when she saw Rafael. He was at the conference table, feet propped up, colorful polka dot socks showing. His black jacket was draped over the back of his chair and he held a file in his left hand and an anthora coffee cup in his right.

It was the first time she'd seen him outside of the courtroom since their trip to the park. He was extremely busy with the trial and they'd agreed it was best to lay low after being discovered by Rollins and Carisi.

"Comfy?" She asked with a smile.

"Quite." He didn't bother to look up from the file, taking a sip of his coffee.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd still be in court." She'd been there that morning, but got pulled away by a case.

He finally looked up at her. "I rested my case, so the judge called for a recess until tomorrow."

"How do you feel about it?"

He took a deep breath, tossing the file onto the table. "I don't know, honestly, I think I proved the rape, but the manslaughter charge…I need more. I need something I can use on Cahill when he takes the stand."

"Hey, Lieutenant can you…" Rollins trailed off when she spotted Barba. She'd managed to keep things normal with Olivia these past couple of days, but now seeing Barba all she could do was think about him holding Noah, in jeans, and it completely threw her off. "Hey, Barba."

"Detective." Barba nodded, fighting a smile at her discomfort. 

"What did you need?" Olivia jumped in, shooting Rafael a look that said "behave."

"I just need you to sign off on this overtime request for the Kenton stakeout." Amanda held out a paper and Olivia signed it quickly.

"Bye, Rollins!" Rafael said jovially as Amanda walked away as fast as she could.

"Are you five?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, I'm just having a little fun."

"Please do not make this situation worse, I beg of you." She pleaded.

"Wait." He dropped his feet to the floor, sitting straight up. He picked up the file he'd been reading and began flipping through the pages. "The message that Melanie sent her parents. 'I'm sorry. I begged him not to do this.'"

"What about it?"

"Did the squad go through all of the texts between Zach and Melanie, going back through their relationship?"

"I'm not sure." Olivia shook her head. "I think they did a cursory look at the later messages, but we were more focused on the messages he was sending through the app."

"We need to look at all communications between Melanie and Zach. Texts, emails, voicemails, Facebook messages, anything."

* * *

A few hours later the whole team, including Barba, sat around the conference table, bleary eyed. Take out food containers and several coffee cups with various levels of liquid were scattered over the table. They'd all been going back through all the messages that Zach and Melanie had sent one another.

"Newsflash, people in relationships talk a lot." Fin said, rubbing his eyes.

"Wait, look at this." Carisi hit a couple of buttons on the laptop he was using, putting the images up on the main screen. "Back when Melanie sent the original photo, after Cahill relentlessly badgered her to send it, I might add, she sent this immediately afterward."

"'There you saw, now delete it.'" Rollins read the text aloud. "Then Zach replies 'No, I'll need it later.' Eggplant emoji." She rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, and then she says," Carisi scrolled down. "'Please delete it. If anyone sees it I'll die.'"

"Is that enough?" Olivia looked at Rafael. "It's a figure of speech."

"It might be. If I do it right, I can use it to get him to admit to knowing her state of mind. Send that to me, and keep digging." Rafael instructed as he started to gather up his files and folders, shoving them into his briefcase. "I have to rework my cross of Cahill. Let me know if you find anything else."

"I'll walk you out." Olivia followed him out of the room as Rollins and Carisi shared a knowing glance. "Come by later?" She asked in a lowered voice once they were out in the hall.

"Liv, I can't." His face was shadowed with regret. "I really do have to rework my cross. Plus prepare to fight to even keep the texts in. As soon as I turn them over to Arlene in the morning she's going to file a motion to exclude them."

They'd reached the elevator, but neither of them pressed the button.

"You can work at my place. Noah will be asleep." Olivia knew she was being childish, but it had been three days since she'd gotten to kiss him or touch him. She'd had to watch him in court, all of that confidence and swagger, and could do nothing about it afterward.

"You're gonna let me work?" He asked, disbelieving.

"You're not completely irresistible, you know? I can control myself."

"Okay. Sure." He laughed and for a minute she thought he'd cave, but then he shook his head. "I'll have to go back across town and it will be so late when I get home. I can't do it. I need to be ready for tomorrow."

"So stay." She said without hesitation.

"Really?" Rafael was surprised. Up until now he'd never spent the night. One, because Lucy usually got there first thing in the morning, but also because she didn't know how to explain it to Noah. Having Rafael over for dinner and going to the park was one thing, having mommy's special friend there in the morning was completely different. "What about Noah?"

"I'll figure it out."

He felt a sense of victory. Tucker had never spent the night. Rafael knew only because Olivia had told him when she explained why he couldn't, not yet.

"Stop gloating." She said, reading his expression.

"I'm not." He was unconvincing as he finally pushed the elevator call button. "I have to go by my office. Text me when you're on your way home."

* * *

Later that night they lie on her bed, he with his files and legal pad, her with her detectives' reports. Olivia smiled at the sight they must make, a real legitimate working couple.

She glanced over at Rafael as he scribbled away, brow furrowed. The squad had found a few more texts of Melanie begging Zach to delete the pictures along with others conveying her desperation that no one ever see them. He was newly inspired.

But what really grabbed her attention was his muscular arms and legs in his white t-shirt and black boxer briefs. She found his body incredible, not sure when he found time to keep it so toned, but thankful that he did.

Olivia placed her reports and glasses on the nightstand before sliding over close to him, putting her lips on his neck.

"Liv." He warned.

"What?" She asked innocently, returning her lips to his pulse point.

Rafael clenched his jaw, determined to not let her get to him. He returned to the answer tree for Cahill's cross, hoping she'd get bored when he didn't react, but when her hand slid up his thigh and she began to massage him through the fabric of his underwear the words blurred in front of him.

Olivia was ready to claim victory when she felt him harden beneath her hand, but he wasn't going to cave easily. After overcoming the initial shock, he swallowed the lump in his throat and went back to writing. She was going to have to pull out all the stops.

She stopped touching him much to his relief and disappointment. He watched her as she got up and locked the door, checking to make sure that the monitor that connected her to Noah's room was on, before returning to the bed. She crawled up from the bottom, pushing his legs apart so she could settle between them. This caused his notepad and papers to fall, but determined to win he gave her an annoyed look, picking up the file and pretending to be very interested in its contents.

Olivia slid his boxer briefs down, freeing his member and it sprang to attention, betraying the disinterest that he was projecting. He tensed as she gripped him, but didn't look up from the file. She grinned mischievously, placing her tongue on him, running it the length of his shaft, swiping it over the tip before taking him completely in her mouth.

"Oh God." The words got stuck in his throat and the wave of pleasure rolled over him. She did not fight fair, but he didn't care anymore, tossing the file to the side and laying back against the pillows, enjoying the feel of her mouth and tongue as they worked his cock.

He buried one hand in her hair, the other gripping the comforter. Looking down at Olivia Benson as she ran her mouth over him was possibly the most arousing thing he had ever experienced in his life.

As much as he was enjoying himself, he knew he wouldn't last much longer if she continued. It was like she read his mind, removing her mouth and climbing up to straddle him. Her nightgown rode up and he realized that she hadn't been wearing underwear this entire time. God, she was good.

"What about?" He reached for the nightstand as she started to slide down over him.

"It's fine." She assured him. She knew at her age the odds of getting pregnant were slim. "I just want to feel you."

"Are you su…" His words cut off as she slid the rest of the way over him. "Oh, Liv." Not having a barrier between them gave him a whole new sense of pleasure.

He pulled up the hem of her nightgown, wanting to see her body, and she helped remove it, revealing all of her glorious skin. Soon his shirt was also gone and she was finally able to run her hands over his chest as she moved on top of him, his hands gripping her hips.

She began to speed up as she neared her release and he reached a hand between them, rubbing his thumb over her clit as she rode him. That was all it took to get her the rest of the way and when she clenched around him it sent him over the edge as well.

After taking a few seconds to catch her breath she climbed off of him. Wordlessly, she threw her nightgown back on, and, after a quick trip to the bathroom, got back into bed, picking up her reports. She slipped her glasses on and got back to work, a satisfied smile on her face.

Oh yes, he thought, she was quite good.


	21. Chapter 21

The sun had barely started to rise the next morning when Rafael opened his eyes. He felt like he'd just closed them. He'd worked well into the night, long after Olivia had finished her own work and drifted off. He smiled at the thought. He very much liked having Olivia sleeping beside him.

Finally, the fog of sleep lifted enough for him to realize that she was running her fingertips lightly over his bare torso. He decided that there were worse ways to be woken up.

He rolled to face her, capturing her hand and bringing it to his lips to kiss her fingers.

"Good morning." Olivia said softly, thoroughly enjoying first-thing-in-the-morning Rafael. She decided that maybe of all the new versions of him she was getting to experience, this was her favorite. The scruff on his cheeks and the hair falling over his forehead were almost enough to do her in.

"Good morning." He echoed.

"You know, I think we have time for a shower before Noah wakes up."

"First, last night and now a shower invite? I might have to stay more often." He grinned.

"Chez Olivia is a  _full-service_  establishment."

"Well, I give it five stars, but I should probably get going before Lucy gets here." He said regretfully.

Olivia shook her head. "I texted her last night and told her I'd take Noah to school this morning."

"Well, then, what are we waiting for?" He hopped out of bed and pulled her along with him.

They tiptoed to the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind them.

"I hope you don't mind it hot." Olivia said, cranking on the shower.

"You know I don't." He smirked.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." She pulled her nightgown over her head, tossing it to the floor before stepping under the spray.

Rafael quickly shed his underwear and hopped in after her. "Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed when the water hit him. It was practically scalding. "How has your skin not peeled off of your body?"

She laughed, tipping her head back under the water, wetting her hair. "I told you."

The potential third degree burns had made him momentarily forget where he was, but the sight of Olivia, water running down over her, quickly brought him back.

"On second thought," he said, putting his lips on hers and pressing her up against the tile wall. "I think we can make it a little hotter in here."

Olivia laughed again. "Challenge accepted."

Later, after they'd used all the hot water, she sat at her vanity, ostensibly putting on the minimal amount of make-up she wore every day, but really keeping her eyes on Rafael as he fastened his suspenders to the front of gray trousers that had a subtle plaid pattern.

She'd laughed when he showed up with a garment bag the night before, but she liked what it represented. Was it too early to offer him closet space to keep a few suits here? She wondered.

"What?" He asked, feeling her eyes on him as he began knotting a purple paisley tie around his neck.

"I just like watching the process." She said, turning back to her mirror and swiping on some mascara.

She'd just gone to her closet to pick out a blazer when they heard Noah's footsteps in the hall. "Mommy!"

"Moment of truth." Olivia said before opening her door and scooping up Noah. "Good morning, sweet boy."

"Hola Barba," Noah said casually over Olivia's shoulder. "Can you make me pancakes?"

* * *

Rafael had a pep in his step as he walked down the hall of the courthouse. Even being summoned to Judge Barth's chambers to fight to keep the text messages in as evidence, just as he predicted he would, couldn't dampen his mood.

It wasn't the sex. Okay, he admitted thinking of Olivia's glistening body in the shower that morning, it wasn't  _just_  the sex. It was everything else that came along with it. It was dinner and working side by side in bed and waking up next to her and breakfast with her and Noah.

He smiled when he thought of Noah's reaction to seeing him there first thing in the morning. The boy hadn't even batted an eye. And of course Rafael had made him pancakes. Then, afterward, ruffling Noah's hair and kissing Liv as he headed out the door to work had felt like the most natural thing in the world.

As he approached Judge Barth's chambers he made a conscious effort to remove the smile from his face, he had a reputation to protect after all.

"Mr. Barba, thank you for joining us." Judge Barth greeted from behind her desk. Arlene was already seated in one of her visitors' chairs. Rafael chose to remain standing.

"Apologies, your honor."

"So, I see you've stumbled across some new evidence." The judge glanced down at the printouts Rafael had submitted the night before.

"Stumbled. Sure." Heller scoffed. "He's been sitting on these the whole time."

"Technically, that's true." Rafael admitted. "We have had the phone records throughout the investigation, but it was only last night that we went back through them and found these."

"Either way, they're extremely prejudicial." Arlene argued.

"Your honor, these texts not only show the jury the kind of person Cahill is, but they prove that he was aware of how desperate Ms. Tullis was to keep these images from becoming public. The jury needs to see that he knew her state of mind and still sent the photos."

Judge Barth was silent a moment, considering the argument. "I agree. The texts are in."

"Your honor." Arlene protested.

"The texts are in." The judge repeated, shooting defense counsel a look that had her biting back her argument.

"Thank you, your honor."

* * *

"So, Mr. Cahill, we've established that you antagonized and tortured Ms. Tullis by posting her photo on porn sites, pretending to be her on dating apps, encouraging men to text her, call her, show up at her apartment, eventually facilitating her rape and assault." Rafael faced the jury booth later that day, resting his hands on the front rail. He'd already been questioning Zach Cahill for over an hour. The guy was slick, but he'd managed to trip him up a few times.

"Objection. Your honor, is there a question?"

"I'm getting there."

"Well, get there faster, Mr. Barba." The judge instructed.

"But you had one last thing in store for her, didn't you?" Rafael faced Zach. "You knew that Ms. Tullis would be testifying against you, so the night before you sent nude photos of her to everyone she knew, isn't that right?"

Zach clenched his jaw, but didn't respond.

Barba hit a button on the remote he was holding. On the TV flashed a grid of security stills, showing Zach at the computer terminal in the library. "People's exhibit 41. Is this you, sitting at the computer that the photos were sent from, at the exact time that they were sent?"

Zach still didn't say a word and Rafael shot a look a Judge Barth. "Your honor."

"Witness will answer."

"Yes." Zach said through gritted teeth.

"And you knew by sending those photos that not only would she not testify, but Ms. Tullis would be so traumatized by this that she would most likely take her life, didn't you?"

"Objection, speculation." Heller argued.

"Sustained."

"I'll rephrase." Rafael hit the remote button again and a screenshot of the initial text Carisi had found the night before showed on the screen. "People's exhibits 42 A, B, C, and D. Do you recognize these texts between you and the victim?" He asked Zach.

"I send a lot of texts." Zach sidestepped. "I don't remember them all."

"Well let me remind you." Barba read off the texts. "Do you remember getting those texts?"

"No."

"No? What about this one?" Rafael hit the button again, reading. "'Please, Zach, delete the picture.' To which you replied, 'No. Using it for my spank bank.' Remember that?"

"No." Zach said louder.

"How about this?" He hit the button aggressively. "'Please. I couldn't take it if anyone saw it.' Or this one? 'Zach, I'm serious. It's not funny anymore. I'll die if these pics get out.'"

"It's just a figure of speech." Zach blurted angrily.

"So, you do remember getting these texts?" Rafael felt a jolt of satisfaction.

"Yes, but she didn't mean it. She was always being overdramatic."

"Clearly she did mean it."

"Objection."

"Withdrawn." Rafael said, not taking his eyes away from Zach. "She begged you to delete these photos over and over, but you didn't, why?"

"Because I...used them." He actually had the gall to look embarrassed.

"Or, did you keep them because you intended to use them for revenge if she ever wised up and dumped you?"

"No, I-"

Rafael stepped close to the witness stand. "So the idea to use them to get back at Melanie for breaking up with you didn't come until later?"

"Yes, I mean, no." Zach shook his head.

"She'd warned you what would happen if the people in her life saw those photos." Rafael circled back around now that he had Zach rattled. "You knew exactly what she'd do and you sent them anyway. Didn't you?"

"No, I just meant to…" Zach caught himself.

"Just meant to what?"

"I just wanted her to change her mind about testifying. I didn't mean to make her kill herself."

"But that's what happened, isn't it Mr. Cahill?" Rafael's eyes narrowed. "You badgered her until she reached her breaking point. You harassed, intimidated, and tormented Melanie to the point where she felt the only way to be free of you was to take her own life."

"Objection." Arlene jumped to her feet.

"Withdrawn. Nothing further." Rafael said with thinly veiled disgust. He caught Olivia's eye as he made his way back to the prosecution table and she gave him an almost imperceptible nod, which he returned. He sank into his chair, suddenly exhausted. He hoped it had been enough, for Melanie's sake and his own.


	22. Chapter 22

When Olivia walked into Forlini's that night she was surprised to see Rafael sitting in a booth instead of at the bar, but she quickly realized why when she saw the files, papers, and books spread across the table.

"Did you bring your whole office here with you?" She asked as she slid in across from him.

"I needed a drink and my office stash needs refilled." He said, finishing scribbling something before looking up at her.

"You did great today." Olivia told him with a smile. "The jury saw what a sleaze he is."

"Heller wants to deal." He said, taking a gulp of scotch.

Olivia was surprised. "What are they offering?"

"Sexual misconduct."

"Well, that's something."

"Is it?"

"Yes." She said emphatically. "He'd go on the registry."

"But he should also go to prison. Sexual misconduct gives him a year tops." He shook his head, his jaw tense. "I'm not going to do it."

"You aren't even going to think about it? Or at least give them a counter offer?"

"He  _killed_  her, Liv. I'm not letting him get a slap on the wrist for this."

In all the years they'd worked together she'd never seen him let his emotions dictate the way he tried a case. She understood why, but it was really starting to worry her how attached he seemed to be to winning this, to Melanie. At least if Cahill took a deal this would all be over and maybe he could start to move on.

"What if he's acquitted? He could end up back out on the street." She said even though he didn't need the reminder.

"They're not going to acquit him of the rape, the witness tampering. That already puts him away for a long time. Why not see if I can get him on the manslaughter charge too?"

"You've said so many times how unpredictable juries are. You don't know that they're going to convict on the rape. It's hard enough to get juries to convict rapists who attack women, let alone those who facilitate one." Olivia leaned back against the booth. "And you keep saying how shaky the manslaughter charge is."

"Look, all the defense has left is a psychiatrist who is going to argue that people who are suicidal find an excuse to follow through with it, no matter what. Hence," he gestured at books and files on the table. Upon closer inspection she saw that they were psychology books, not law. "Then it's closing arguments. I can do this, Liv."

She sighed. If he gave Zach the deal, he'd probably always wonder what the verdict would have been. At least if he saw the trial through, even if it was a not guilty verdict, he'd know. "I think you should do whatever you feel you need to do."

"Thank you." He could see in her eyes that she thought he was doing the wrong thing. He appreciated that she was supporting him despite that.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"You're doing it." Rafael reached across the table and laid a hand on hers briefly, the corner of his mouth upturned in a half smile.

She checked the time on her phone. "I have to get home. Do you want to come?" She asked even though she already knew the answer.

"Do I want to? More than anything. But I can't. I'll probably be working all night."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." She brushed her hand over his before sliding out of the booth. "Try to at least get some rest."

She'd started to walk away when his voice stopped her. "Liv."

She turned back to face him. "Yeah?"

"It's almost over." He promised.

Olivia just nodded before walking toward the door.

The door had barely closed behind her when his phone vibrated on the table. He smiled when he read the message on the screen.

_You'll be great tomorrow. I love you._

* * *

Olivia slipped quietly into the courtroom the next morning, taking an open seat in the back row of the gallery. She'd wanted to be there sooner, but an early morning break in rape in the West Village had taken precedent.

An older, gray-haired man, with thick framed glasses sat in the witness box. Heller's psychiatrist, Oliva assumed. Rafael leaned against the prosecution with a put-upon nonchalance. She knew he wanted to give the jury the perception that this witness wasn't anything worth getting worked up over.

"So, Dr. Westfield," he was saying evenly. "It is your contention that no matter what events took place in Ms. Tullis's life, she would have committed suicide anyway?"

"That's correct." Dr. Westfield nodded.

"Was the victim a patient of yours? Had you ever met her, or even read a psychological evaluation of her?"

"No, but like I said, if a person is suicidal, those thoughts pervade their life. They will eventually act on it."

"As you know nothing about the victim, let me inform you that Ms. Tullis was in excellent mental health, no treatments, no diagnoses, everyone in her life said she was happy and full of life, up until the defendant's harassment began, that is."

"Objection. Is there a question?"

"There is." Rafael stood straight now. "Your  _theory_  only applies to those who have a history of suicidal thoughts. What if a person with no history of mental illness takes their life? Can that be attributed to outside factors?"

"Just because a person has never been treated for mental illness or vocalized suicidal thoughts doesn't mean that they haven't had them." The doctor sidestepped.

"That wasn't the question."

"I guess, yes, in some cases an otherwise non-suicidal person can be driven there by certain circumstances."

"No more questions, your honor." Rafael made his way back to his chair, unbuttoning his suit jacket as he sat.

"You may step down, Dr. Westfield." Judge Barth instructed. "Ms. Heller, your next witness."

Arlene stood. "The defense rests, your honor."

"Very well. We'll recess and commence with summations after lunch." The judge banged her gavel and those in the courtroom began to disperse.

Olivia waited in her seat as the courtroom cleared out and Rafael shoved files into his briefcase. He was halfway down the aisle when he spotted her.

Her heart did a little jump as his surly expression melted away at the sight of her. "Hey, I didn't think you were going to make it."

"I caught the good stuff." She stood and walked out of the courtroom at his side.

"Do you need anything from me on the one you caught this morning?" He asked as they walked down the corridor.

Olivia shook her head. "Not yet, but thanks."

"Of course."

"I know you probably want to spend the lunch break going over your summation for the thousandth time, but want to hit the food cart first?"

"I'm not sure I could eat anything right now."

Olivia's eyes widened in surprise. "You?"

He laughed and she was happy to see the tension leave his features, even if only for a second. "Yes, me, but I appreciate the offer."

They reached the door of the small room Rafael was using during breaks.

"I'm going to let you work. I need to check in with the squad anyway, but I'll be back after lunch."

"Thanks, Liv."

She touched his arm lightly, before turning and walking back down the hallway.

Rafael turned to walk into the small conference room when he heard Arlene's voice behind him.

"Barba."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning around. "What can I do for you counselor?"

"We need to talk." She walked past Rafael and into the room. He followed and closed the door.

"What are we talking about?"

"My client will plead to the manslaughter charge."

Rafael was shocked, but kept his face neutral. He knew the game they were playing. The second-degree manslaughter charge actually carried a lesser sentence than the first-degree rape that Cahill was about to be convicted of.

As much as he wanted Cahill on the murder, and man, did he want it, Rafael wanted him in prison for as long as possible. It was risky, but he knew his rape case was strong. "No."

"He'll take the maximum." Arlene relented.

"This is not me playing hardball. Unless your client is willing to plead guilty on all charges the answer is, and will continue to be, no."

Arlene shook her head. "I know you like to play fast and loose, but this is ridiculous even for you." She turned when she reached the door. "The girl really got to you, huh?"

The only reaction Rafael gave was a clench of his jaw.

"See you in there." Arlene closed the door behind her.

Once she was gone Rafael let out a breath. He might have just made the dumbest decision of his career.

* * *

"Melanie Tullis was a young woman just embarking on what was to be a promising life." Rafael began his closing argument as he walked over to the jury booth. "She had a close group of friends, a great job at a publishing house, a new relationship that held promise, but that all changed.

"A once happy young woman with the world at her fingertips was harassed, humiliated, sexually assaulted, and pushed beyond the breaking point by a man who just could not accept the fact their relationship was over. You all have seen proof that the defendant," He turned to point at Zach. "Zach Cahill, published nude photos of Melanie on porn sites, posed as her on internet dating apps, giving out her phone number and address to strange men, inviting and instigating them to harass and sexually assault her.

"When this wasn't enough, when he saw that Melanie was tougher than he thought and was going to come here and tell you her story, he couldn't have that. He sent her nude photos to her boss, her coworkers, her friends, her  _parents_." Rafael rested his hands on the rail, letting that sink in.

"Because of his behavior, his deliberate choices, Melanie drew a warm bath, climbed in, and used a razorblade to cut both of her wrists." His voice broke and he paused a moment, trying to reel in his emotions.

Olivia's heart was breaking. She hated that she was stuck there, in the gallery, and could do nothing to comfort him. She knew he'd be mad at himself for letting the jury see the effect that Melanie's death had on him, especially since the basis of Cahill's defense was that they were overreaching on the charges for personal reasons.

Rafael took a deep breath and continued. "All of this, Melanie's rape and suicide, was a direct result of the defendant's actions. Therefore, you must find him guilty on all charges." He made eye contact with Olivia as he made his way back to his seat. So many emotions swam in his gaze, she couldn't pick out a predominant one.

She paid no attention as the judge gave the jury their instructions, keeping her worried eyes on Rafael. Finally, the courtroom started to clear and after a few minutes it was just the two of them left in the room.

He was still gathering up his stuff when she stood and approached his table. "Great job."

"Let's hope it was good enough."

"They'll come back with whatever verdict they come back with, but you did everything you could. You need to know that."

He finally finished putting his files away, picking up his briefcase and raising his eyes to meet hers. "Well, we'll find out soon enough."


	23. Chapter 23

"Three days," Rafael grumbled as he walked into Olivia's apartment carrying her keys and two paper coffee cups. "I can't believe this jury has been out for three days."

"That's usually good news." Olivia said, setting a plate of scrambled eggs in front of Noah, who sat at the counter in his booster seat.

"I know, I'm just starting to think I should have taken the deal."

"Which one?"

"Either." He gave her a peck on the lips and handed her one of the cups.

"You know, " she said. "I have coffee, you don't have to go out every morning to buy some."

He'd stayed with her every night since the jury had gone into deliberations. He was still pretty keyed up waiting on the verdict, but he was rested and seemed to be doing a little better. It helped to have other cases to distract him at work and Noah to keep him occupied when he was here.

"That," he gestured to her small rack of Keurig pods. "Is not coffee."

"As opposed to the gourmet blend of the street cart." She joked, taking a sip.

"Exactly." He took a seat next to Noah at the counter and pulled out his phone to answer what she assumed was the hundred e-mails he had already received this morning. "Great, the DA wants to see me first thing."

"What about?" She stood on the opposite side of the counter, nibbling from her own plate of scrambled eggs. She'd learned that even though Rafael snacked almost continuously throughout the day, he was not a big breakfast person. His preferred breakfast was coffee, usually a gallon of it.

"Probably to remind me for the tenth time that if I don't get a conviction we're going to 'reevaluate' my future with the DA's office."

Olivia didn't get a chance to respond because just then a key started turning in the lock of her apartment door. "Shit, that's probably Lucy." She'd told Lucy that she didn't need her this morning, but she was the only other person that had a key.

"Bad word!" Noah scolded with a giggle.

Rafael made a break for the bedroom and had just slipped out of sight as Lucy stepped inside.

"Lucy, what are you doing here?" Olivia asked cheerfully.

"I'm sorry, I should have knocked. It's just habit to…" Lucy gestured toward the door.

"It's fine." Olivia waved it off. She picked up Noah, who was wiggling to be let down, from his booster seat and setting his feet on the floor so he could run over to Lucy.

"Lucy!"

"Hey, buddy!" Lucy said, scooping him up. "I know you said you didn't need me today, but I was wondering if we could talk." She said to Olivia.

"Of course." Olivia gestured to the couch.

"Noah, can you color a picture for me?" Lucy asked, setting him up with a coloring book at his play table before joining Olivia on the sofa.

"What's up?" Olivia asked.

"I just…" Lucy seemed unsure of how to start and Olivia suddenly felt worried that she was going to quit. "Did I do something wrong? Lately you've been asking me not to come in and cutting my hours and I just hope it's not because of something I did."

"No! Of course not," Olivia was relieved that she wasn't losing her, but still felt guilty that'd she'd made Lucy feel bad. "That's not it at all. It's just that…" She was unsure of what to say.

"It's 'cause Barba's here." Noah said, not looking up from the page he was coloring.

"What?" Lucy looked at Noah and then back at Olivia, confused.

"Oh, um, well…" Olivia couldn't seem to come up with a plausible lie. "Oh, screw it. Rafael!"

A few moments later Rafael appeared, looking sheepish. "Hi, Lucy."

"Oh!" Lucy laughed, understanding. She was happy for Olivia, she deserved to have someone and from the few times she'd been around the ADA she liked him.

"We're trying to keep it quiet for now." Olivia explained.

"Well, your secret is safe with me." Lucy promised.

"Thank you. It shouldn't be for much longer, but I want to apologize for making you think you'd done something wrong." Olivia put a hand on her arm. "I consider you part of the family. I love having you here and Noah adores you. You have a job as long as you want one."

"Thank you, Olivia." Lucy stood. "Well, since I'm here, why don't I take Noah to school?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that."

"No, it's fine. I want to."

"Can Lucy take me?" Noah chimed in. "Please!"

"Okay, sure." Olivia agreed.

When Lucy and Noah were gone, Rafael pulled Olivia to him, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "As soon as this jury comes back, no matter what the outcome, we're coming clean. I don't want to hide or sneak around anymore. I love you and that's not something to be ashamed of or hidden. I want everyone to know. The professional consequences be damned."

"What if this was our last case together?"

"Then it was one where we fought for what's right even when others thought we shouldn't. Just the kind of case you and I always excel at." He took her hands in his. "And know that it changes nothing between us. I might be coming from a different building, but at the end of the day I'll be coming home to you, to Noah, loving you both, no matter what. No job can compare to that."

After all she'd witnessed and been through, Olivia was on the fence when it came to the whole God thing, but she sent a little thank you out into the universe for bringing this man into her life, grateful that he was right. No matter the outcome, they had each other.

* * *

Rafael sighed, pulling his tie loose as he stepped into his outer office. "Hey, Carmen, can you hold my calls for an hour please?"

"Of course, Mr. Barba." Carmen handed him a stack of message slips.

He took the messages into his office, closing the door behind him. He'd just come from his meeting with the DA and it was unpleasant to say the least. He'd learned of the defense offering to plead guilty to the manslaughter and he was less than happy that Rafael had turned it down.

He slipped out of his jacket, hanging it on the back of the chair before taking a seat, and flipping through the messages, none of which seemed urgent enough to bother returning at the moment.

He was self-aware enough to know that he'd let this case get beyond personal, but that hadn't been enough to stop it from happening. Every time he closed his eyes to go to sleep at night he saw Melanie in that bathtub, floating in her own blood. Sometimes he even dreamed of her and she always asked him why he hadn't been able to save her. So how could he possibly do anything other than fight to get her the justice that she deserved, even if it was at his own peril?

Olivia was worried about him. She tried not to show it, but he knew. He had to admit that it was nice to have someone to worry about him. Well, besides his mother. He promised himself that once this was finally all over he would make it up to her.

He eyed the stack of files on his desk that had gone neglected the last week or so. Cahill's wasn't the only trial he should be concentrating on and he needed to get his head back in the game. He didn't need to give the DA additional reasons to fire him. If only the damn jury would come back. He felt like he was in this weird limbo, unable to move on until he knew the outcome.

He checked his watch. If it didn't happen soon he'd have to agonize through the weekend. He wasn't sure if he'd survive it.

Like an answered prayer there was a quick knock at his door and Carmen stuck her head in. "The jury's back."

* * *

"You ready?" Olivia, Rollins, and Carisi were waiting outside of the courtroom when he arrived.

"Ready for this to be done." He straightened his tie before turning toward the door. "See you in there."

"He's wound pretty tight." Carisi commented.

"There's a lot riding on this." Olivia said, holding the door open for her detectives before following them through it. They found seats in the second row just as the jury was ushered into the room.

Rafael took a deep breath and held it as he stood, finger tips resting on the table in front of him, as the judge read the verdict and handed it back to the bailiff. He felt like he was vibrating with nerves and just hoped that it didn't show.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" Judge Barth was asking the jury foreman.

"We have, your honor."

"What say you?"

"On the charge of rape in the first degree, we find the defendant, Zach Cahill, guilty."

Olivia let out a sigh of relief, a smile spreading across her face. No matter what, Zach would go to prison for a long time. She looked at Rafael who continued to stand still as a statue, spine rigid.

"On the charge of manslaughter in the second degree," the foreman continued. "We find the defendant guilty."

Rafael's limbs felt like jelly as the relief spread through his body. The juror continued to read verdicts on the other charges (he'd learn later that Cahill was also convicted of criminal impersonation and witness tampering) and the judge thanked the jury for their service, but it was all white noise to him. He'd done it. He'd actually managed to pull it off. Maybe now Melanie could rest.

Finally, the sound of the gavel as Judge Barth adjourned court brought him back. He turned to find Liv standing just behind him with Rollins, Carisi, and Melanie's parents.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Barba." Melanie's father shook his hand.

"I only wish that I could have done more." Rafael said solemnly.

"You got her justice." Her mother said, tears in her eyes. "That's all we could ask."

Rafael just nodded, not sure of what to say, a rarity for him.

"Good job, counselor." Carisi clapped a congratulatory hand on his shoulder before walking Melanie's parents out of the courtroom along with Amanda.

"Yeah, good job, counselor." Olivia said with a smile. "How do you feel?"

"I'm not sure yet." He answered honestly. He felt his phone vibrate in his breast pocket and pulled it out, reading the screen. "It's the DA, he wants to see me immediately."

"There's no way he can punish you after this."

"I guess I'll find out. Want to come with me, kill two birds with one stone?"

Olivia was caught off guard. She'd known they'd planned to disclose their relationship once the trial was over, but she didn't think that meant five minutes after the verdict was read. They hadn't even discussed what they'd say, but the hopeful look on his face made it an easy decision. They needed to do this so they could move on and truly be together.

"I guess there's no time like the present."


	24. Chapter 24

"You mean they don't even end up together?!" Olivia complained.

"That's the point, mi guerrera." Rafael laughed. "He loved her so much that he let her go. He wanted her to be happy."

They were on Rafael's couch, his socked feet up on the coffee table and his arm stretched across the back of the couch. Olivia was curled up next to him, head on his shoulder. They'd decided that after everything they'd been through lately they just needed a quiet night at home, so they finally had their Casablanca night.

The meeting with the DA had gone better than expected. He'd actually congratulated Rafael on the win, and hadn't seemed angry or even surprised when they'd come clean to him, but he told them he needed to think about the situation before he decided how he wanted to handle it. Olivia and Rafael were doing their best to put it out of their minds and enjoy the weekend. They had a meeting with Dodds first thing on Monday, and there was nothing they could do about any of it until then.

"No. I have heard so much about this movie, from you, from  _society_ , and it doesn't even have a happy ending?"

Rafael laughed again. He hadn't expected her to care so much. "If it makes you feel better they mostly just ended it that way because the censors back then wouldn't approve of rewarding an adulterous relationship."

"Actually, that does make me feel better."

He should have known that logic would prevail. He picked up her empty wine glass. "Refill?"

"Sure," She checked the time. "I should call and say goodnight to Noah."

Rafael went to the kitchen to refill both of their wine glasses and smiled as he heard her talking to Noah in the next room. He was spending the night with Amanda and Jesse, and had been excited about it for days.

"Someone wants to talk to you." Olivia walked into the kitchen and handed Rafael her phone, Noah's smiling face filling the screen. He was glad that Amanda already knew about he and Olivia since she definitely would now. Given the way he'd outed them to Lucy, Rafael was sure the kid had told Amanda all about how Barba spends the night.

"Hola amigo." Rafael greeted the boy. "Are you having fun?"

"Yes! We had pizza!" Noah said excitedly.

Olivia sipped her wine as she watched her two favorite guys chatter away. She knew that Rafael didn't consider himself to be good with kids, but he'd formed such a bond with Noah. He truly cared for him and didn't just put up with him because he came along with her.

"Buenas noches." Rafael said wrapping up their conversation and handing her back the phone.

Olivia tried to ask Noah more questions about his night, but the boy begged to be allowed to go back to playing, so Olivia said her goodnights before hanging up. "Is he really already done with me at three?" She asked Rafael.

"He's just having fun." Rafael shrugged, wrapping his arms around her. "You're still his favorite person."

"Are you sure that's not you?" She smiled. "You are so great with him, Raf. He's really grown attached to you."

His mouth turned up in that half grin she loved. "I'm kind of attached to him too." It had snuck up on him, his affection for Noah. He was just as much a part of Rafael's life now as Liv was and he couldn't imagine it any other way. "Having him, having you, it's everything." He kissed her softly. "These last few weeks, this case, you got me through it. For the first time in a long time I have something to look forward to at the end of the day and I love you so much for giving me that."

It still caught her off guard when he was open and vulnerable with her. He was so much more than the cocky attorney that he showed to the rest of the world and she still felt special that he let her all the way in. "I love you too." She draped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. "So, you ready?"

Rafael sighed. "A deal's a deal."

"You are gonna love it, I promise." She pulled him toward the living room. "I still can't believe you've never seen Die Hard."

* * *

Olivia's pen tapped her desktop at an obnoxious pace, a manifestation of her nerves. Rafael looked up from the file he was reading. "Liv, stop."

"Sorry." She dropped the pen. Dodds was supposed to be there any minute and her stomach twisted with nerves.

"Why are you so nervous? You're the toughest person I know. Last week you tackled a two-hundred-pound rapist."

She smiled at the memory. She'd much rather be out on the street, taking on the worst the city had to offer, than to be here, waiting to disclose her relationship to her boss. "Why aren't you worried at all?" She countered.

"Because I know that we both kick ass at what we do, so they'd be stupid to reassign either one of us." Truth was he was nervous as hell, but he'd long ago become skilled at not letting it show. "Besides, like you, I've dealt with much scarier men than Dodds."

"Is that so?"

"Chief," Barba hopped to his feet, turning to face Dodds, who stood in Olivia's doorway. "Didn't hear you come in."

"Clearly." The chief stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"Chief, thank you for coming." Olivia said, standing as well, but remaining behind her desk. She and Rafael had felt that it might be best to have homecourt advantage for this one.

"Of course. What's this about, Lieutenant?"

"Well, we needed to talk to you about something." Olivia told him.

"I assumed that was the case. I didn't think you called me down here for all of us to just stare at each other."

"What she means to say," Barba jumped in, walking behind the desk to stand next to Olivia. "Is that we need to inform you of an…um…development that has taken place."

Chief Dodds looked at the two of them for a moment then held up his hands. "Stop right there." He sank into one of Olivia's chairs. "Here's how this is going to go. You will both come to work and do your jobs. Nothing that takes place outside of these walls will affect your jobs. If it does, if I get complaints or see it for myself, then we'll reevaluate. Understood?"

"Yes."

"Yes, chief."

"Good. Consider yourselves disclosed." Dodds stood to go. "How's the DA feel about all this?"

"He's undecided." Rafael answered.

The chief waved a hand. "I'll talk to him. I told you, I've got you covered." He directed at Olivia. "I meant it."

"Thank you."

He reached the door, but turned back. "Let me just say, off the record, finally. You two were driving us all crazy."

Barba laughed once he was gone. "He's a lot better guy than I give him credit for." He put a hand on Olivia's shoulder. "See? I told you it wouldn't be so bad."

Olivia couldn't believe it. Just like that they were free to be together. No more hiding and sneaking around. She got to keep doing the job that she loved and working side by side with the man that she loved. How did she get so lucky?

"Hey, Liv," Fin said, walking into her office. They both quickly dropped their hands, a reflex they'd developed even though now it wasn't technically necessary, but Fin caught it. "Aw, dammit. I hate it when the kids are right." Now he was going to have to listen to Rollins and Carisi gloat.

"Sorry, Fin." Olivia said even though she didn't look sorry at all. "What do you need?"

"Teri Jacobson is here to see you."

"Send her in."

"I'll leave you to it." Rafael said when Fin left to go get Teri from the squad room. He gathered his things and met Teri in the doorway.

"Mr. Barba, I'm glad that you're here. I'm sorry I didn't see you after the trial, I was just…I wasn't up to speaking to anyone." Teri was back to her chic wardrobe and sleek hair, but there was still sadness in her eyes. He supposed there would be for a while.

"I completely understand." And he meant it.

"I wanted to thank you for all you did for Melanie. I'm grateful that someone like you is helping us fight the good fight. It gives me hope that we'll win."

"You're doing good work, Teri. Where the law allows I'll help in any way I can." Rafael promised her. "Take care."

"What can I do for you Teri?" Olivia asked once Rafael had gone.

Teri sat across from Olivia. "In a couple of weeks I'll be speaking before the New York state legislature, fighting to get a revenge porn law on the books. I was hoping that you would join me."

"Of course." Olivia answered without hesitation. Rafael had been right when he said that Teri was doing good work, but there was only so much civil litigation could do. Maybe if the law had been on her side from the beginning, Melanie might still be alive. Olivia owed it to her to fight so that the next girl who sent a provocative photo to her boyfriend didn't have to go through what she went through.

"Thank you." Teri stood to go. "Maybe we'll make something good come from all of this."

"Yeah, maybe." Olivia said with a hopeful smile.

* * *

"Rafi! Bring that last platter out here." Lucia instructed Rafael, setting the dish she carried on the table. Olivia and Noah already had their seats, Noah on a booster seat that they'd brought with them. Olivia felt bad sitting while Lucia and Rafael did all of the work, but she'd been shooed out of the kitchen when she'd tried to help.

"Mami, you made way too much food for just the four of us." Rafael sat the platter down and took a seat next to Olivia. His mother had been thrilled when he'd called a few days prior to tell her he'd be bringing a couple of guests with him to Sunday dinner that week. He was pretty sure she'd started cooking the second she'd hung up the phone.

"So, you'll have leftovers to take home." Lucia shrugged, taking her seat as well. "It will give you something to put in that empty refrigerator of yours."

Olivia was pretty sure she'd never seen so much food on one table. "It all looks delicious."

"Delicioso, Barba's mommy." Noah giggled and they all laughed along with him. When they'd arrived Olivia had explained to Noah who Lucia was, so apparently he thought that was her name.

"You can call me abuelita." Lucia said, reaching over to ruffle Noah's hair.

"Mami." Rafael cautioned. "It might be a bit early for that."

"No, it's okay." Olivia put her hand on his and a smile spread across Rafael's face. He'd never imagined that there would be any children to call his mother abuelita and he knew she was thrilled.

"You know, Olivia," Lucia said across the table. "Rafi hasn't brought a woman to Sunday dinner in years. No one since Yel- "

Rafael cleared his throat, cutting her off. "We should eat before it gets cold."

"Yes, yes, eat!" Lucia instructed and they busied themselves scooping food onto plates.

It seemed like they did more talking than eating, and even more laughing still. Lucia told Olivia stories about Rafael growing up and she was pretty sure it was the first time she'd ever seen him blush.

"I'll have to dig out the photo albums so I can show you the next time you're here. Rafi was the cutest baby."

"Oh, no. You can't do that to me." Rafael protested even though he was laughing. "Help me out, amigo." He said to Noah.

"Baby Barba!" Noah laughed even though he wasn't entirely sure what he was laughing at. The adults found it funny so he did to.

"Wow, I thought I was your numero uno." Rafael chuckled.

Olivia smiled in return. "His loyalty is fleeting."

"I believe the price of his affections is ice cream and he already knows that I have some waiting for him after dinner." Lucia said knowingly.

Olivia sat back in her chair and watched as Lucia and Rafael each tried playfully to get Noah to side with them. She'd never had anything like this in her life before, everyone sitting around the table, telling old stories and playfully teasing each other in a way that only came from a place of utmost affection. Growing up it had just been her and her mother, and, while her mother certainly loved her, she wouldn't say that there'd been much affection.

Rafael laughed again at something Noah said and he caught Olivia's gaze, giving her a wink.

But she had it now, and that's what mattered. Finally, a family.


End file.
